26 April 2007


6.10 i am still on the road
No traffic, early in the morning
Moin, my nephew was clipping on his Pulsar
i was behind him
6.15 is my Kovai express
i tried to walk like John Travolta on reaching the station but on the crowded platform ended up walking like Danny DeVitto
half running half walking, lugging two bags and a water bottle.

We indians are movie crazy people
At any given time the ghost of some movie star would be in my body
the longest stay of a ghost in my body was Clint Eastwood's
i'll give you an idea how movie crazy we are.

A traditional wedding of Anu and Satish, sweetest friends, both of them, wedding ceremony was in full swing with an army of pujaris, priests and about a thousand guests, witnessing. Suddenly, some one yelled ' Rajani Kanth' Big time local god like movie hero
That was enough
Everybody rushed to the balcony to have a glimpse of him
Believe me
please believe me
you have to believe me.
The priests abandoned the bride and the groom, left the ceremony, abandoned chanting of mantras. they too rushed to the balcony for a glimpse of the hero.

so i am on the railway platform walking, running like Danny DeVitto, like an Orangutang
awful coffee you get in the trains........grabbed a good one, and rushed to my coach
When i got into the coach i became steven segal, had a window seat, i insist on it at the time of booking
where is my window seat ?
searching with a hot cup of coffee in my hand and the train started moving
Here it is.
what ?
Somebody sitting there, a boy, kiddo, i smiled he smiled back
its ok, i give my window seats to kiddas always
Is that your seat ? a lady asked
No, she did not ask it was more like an interrogation by a cop
yes, its my seat.
well, we have taken it, you go sit over there.
where ?
she pointed to a vacant seat in the middle, four rows behind
over there,
what arrogance !! oooh !
in such situations i normally scratch my head
i had to give my coffee to this lady, make my hand free to scratch my head.
she may even drink it.
Her attitude ! some attitude, was that an attitude ?
i was already staggering in a speeding kovai exp. i couldn't stagger more spilling my coffee on some poor well dressed soul., Bag and water bottle in one hand and hot coffee in the other
what an attitude !
I saw the vacant seat and i sat there
finished my coffee
she said 'we have taken it, go sit over there'
she did not even say 'can we have your seat?'
I would have said yes please
oh ! forgot to scratch my head. Now i scratched my yeddu vigorously
i never keep such issues pending

just a matter of a few hours, I'll be in Coimbatore
I forget such attitudes fast, didn't want to ruin my journey.
I was on my way to Coimbatore - Pollachi - Valparai then to Manampalli forest.
Five minutes of peace.
Hellow, Sir !
what ?
This is my seat, a very soft and gentle voice
i saw a big stomach touching my nose
actually his belt buckle was touching my nose.
red shirt, red shirt ? blood red.
what ? I had to make an effort to see his face,I saw his chin.
Sir, i think this is my seat, he told me very earnestly very softly.
oh sorry !
No unnecessary dialogue No unnecessary dialogue at all
The gentleman was very polite,
definitely not from Chennai
must be from Coimbatore
people of Coimbatore are always well mannered and polite.

Let me give you a similar situation
a guy from Chennai telling me that i am occupying his seat.

' yaaoo, this is my seat ' get up
oh !
yenna vovho ? why are occupying my seat ?
it was vacant...
Vaaat ? vacantaa ?
there was no one... i thought.......
vaat ? i thaaat ? thaaattaa ! any vacant seat is yoursaaa ?
where is your seat ?
then go and sit there why are you in my seat ?
yenna saary ?
padicchavanga, Yejjucated peepal (educated people) traveling ticketless and, as if this train belongs to his appa (father), he tells some one else, not to me,
now a war of words would escalate.
This is a typical Chennai behaviour, but this did not happen,
the gentleman was very polite
its ok if was wearing a blood red shirt
any way,i was evicted
that is eviction number 2
Eviction number one was my seat being taken
I am seatless now
I went back to my seat, i am the rightful owner of that seat for a few hours
ha ! I saw bulky old man sitting on my window seat, no boy, probably his grand father.The boy was occupying the opposite window seat, perhaps same family
I crossed these people went right up to to him and said
'get up' ! in Steven Segal style
I did not say 'please get up'
i had to be arrogant to an arrogant family, arrogant response
i had to prove that i am from Chennai
He got up
Eviction number 3
His wife an old stout lady was sitting next to him. She took advantage, she made herself comfortable occupying half my seat
its ok, i need only a few inches. i sat next to her,
got my reserved window seat back
The old man pushed himself and occupied the seat opposite, actually stuffed himself in between.
6 seats 7 people, facing each other, all well fed, on the heavier side, i am the only thin one there.
i studied the geography of the seats now
one mother, two children, one boy, about 9 or ten and a girl, about 12 or13, that makes 3 seats. grand father grand mother, that makes 5.

Another lady sitting in my row, not this family, because they did not offer any food to her,
poor thing slept all the way to Coimbatore, with her mouth wide open.
Now the bulky old man was staring at me,
his bulky arrogant daughter, who said we have taken your seat, was staring at me,
his 2 bulky grand children were staring at me,
i did not know if his bulky wife was staring at me
because she was sitting right next to me,
i turned my head to check if she was staring at me
she was staring at me.
They all must be wondering, oh ! what an animal !!
dreadful looking and so rude ! 

Now perhaps the old man thought, my wife is staring at this hairy gorilla
you can't trust these women, my wife may fall in love with him
they may elope as soon as we reach Coimbatore
they may both jump off at Salem itself and elope
why take that risk
he got up, evicted himself, eviction 4
and told his wife to get up,
she got up, eviction number 5
and the old man sat next to me.
Old maami, His wifee was safe now
satisfied ?
bad idea pal, in Bruce willis style. i did not say that, in my mind, i said that in my mind
she stuffed herself right opposite
now she could easily fall in love with me without straining her neck.
We can now both dream of singing duets running around the trees in pouring rain, changing costumes, yellow trousers green shirt red shoes, old maami doing thyee thakka, and me the gorilla in the park running behind her with a bunch of bananas in my hands,
oh no, let her dance in the rain and sing
but i'll wear a rain coat and run behind her,
i don't want to catch cold
was she still staring at me ?
I didn't know as i was looking out
had my iPOD on by then.

Arakkonam gone, 7.30
Now lot of action, everybody was moving
they were taking the breakfast out
tiffin boxes and one giant hoptpot.
i saw
idli and molagha podi, some reddish chutney
sssssssssssssss !

victoria falls coming out of my mouth
they won
naturally, they did not offer one bit to me
they ate it all
i checked, all finished, no left overs finnnittto
they ate everything, all idlis gone, this is how they are all on the heavier side.
jog jog jog, i would have told them, drink a lot of water.
Now washing of hands.
All left one by one.
The girl took advantage and sat on the opposite window seat which was occupied by her younger brother.
Now the boy threw a fit
he plonked himself on her sister's lap and was digging his elbow in to her stomach trying to push her.
Stop fighting the mother ordered.
She had enough

they were fighting over something or the other right from Chennai central.
Now the mother odered her daughter to move and let the brat take the window seat
the girl was evicted
eviction number what ?
I am losing track of all the evictions
I was watching all this.
The girl was very sweet, though bit on the heavier side, wearing Bermudas, lovely eyes, now wet with tears
I hate that
I really hate that
i hate when stupid mothers favour their sons
wanted to kill that stupid woman
I evicted myself, eviction number ? never mind
told the girl to take my window seat.
she wouldn't take it, she wouldn't move, looked away
ok, told the boy to take my seat, so that his sister could take the opposite window seat.
just look at this, the old man who was sitting next to me pushed himself on to my window seat
i snapped at him 'move' . Like Schwarzenegger i did not say 'please move'
MOOOOV , I bawled at him let the boy sit here.
i get pretty nasty sometimes
He was clearly scared of me.
he moved, the boy evicted himself and occupied my window seat.
the problem is not over
old maami, my heroine, pushed herself and occupied the opposite window seat.
WHAT ???
the girl was still in tears
now pepsi

they all had pepsi
girl refused, perhaps she was sensible or angry
i did not yell at the old lady
i am supposed to be her hero
i just pointed my finger towards the girl and the window seat
she got the message
they were all scared of me. i AM scary indeed
she evicted herself and let the girl take the window seat.
the boy had a window seat
the girl had the window seat.
Now I am seatless
So many were standing
no problem
the girl looked at me
i smiled, she did not smile back
What ?
massala dosai from the pantry car
they all had masala dosai
Dosai ?
just an hour ago these people had so many idlis
idlis after idlis
idlis after idlis,
never ending idlis, out of a huge magic hotpot
and they finished them all,
i saw the mother washing the hotpot an hour ago
they were buying everything from the pantry car that passed by
food pepsi maaza potato chips every thing.

At Jolarpet the kids were cribbing about something
both were whining
whats their problem ?
they both had window seats
What do I do, what do i do ? said the mother slapping her forehead
do you want me to go out and get you ?
the train stops only for a couple of minutes.
the mother was exasperated, holding her head in her hand
What do they want I asked
she looked at me completely defeated
they want comics she said
What comics ?
no answer.
i'll get you in Salem i said
none offered me a seat.
a couple of hours passed,
i was standing enjoying music

they were eating oranges
the train was entering Salem
i asked again what comics ?
the mother said, no sir please don't take the trouble sir,
she says 'Sir' oww !!
what comics ? i asked the girl
her eyes lit up
Tinkle she said
hokkay i'll get you
Sir the train stops here only for a minute sir please don't go out sir
i said i am fast then i looked in to her eyes and like Jim Carey , Ace Ventura style I said ' i am fast I am VERY fast '
Poor harassed mother, its ok if she ate 12 idlis and two masala dosai, poor thing
i jumped out before the train came to a halt
started running on the platform
asked a porter where the book stall is
stupid book stall was on the next platform
ran 200 meters dash, found the book stall
do you have tinkle ?
which one
any thing
he pulled 2 sizes, one magazine size one book size, thick one
give me both
how much ?
i paid him
i saw the train moving
where is my camera bag ?
how stupid of me
i left it in the train, my return ticket money cameras every thing was there in it.
i always do such stupid things
i was running like mad
'uncle uncle uncle' the kids shouting, they were waving at me helping me to identify the coach as it crossed me
got in to the moving train in to the next coach and walked back to my coach
why you took trouble sir, i could have bought them at coimbatore sir
i said the kids want them now, NOW in the train, not in Coimbatore i said, wondering how little these parents understand their children
how much sir ?
please ! i said
no sir, no sir, please tell me sir
i refused to accept money
i was still standing

its ok, Erode-Tiruppur-coimbatore
just a couple of hours,
iPOD on, The Doors ' this is the end ' playing
the boy was reading the comic munching potato chips
the girl was reading the comic munching potato chips
peace at last
not for long
suddenly the boy snached the book size tinkle from his sister's hands
she snached it back
they kicked each other
now the mother says, give it to him
the girl wouldn't
this woman was favouring her son again
i can commit a murder, i just wanted to stangle this stupid woman
'give it to him' the mother yelled at her daughter
the girl threw the book size tinkle at her brother
again she was in tears.
i did nothing, i did not say anything' not a word
i just took one step forward and removed my ear phones
i just stood there glaring at the mother, ear phones in my hands, my gorilla face close to hers
'give it back to her kanna', the mother said
the boy looked at me
he gave the book size tinkle back to his sister staring me with hatred

Now the mother, grand mother grand father were staring at me, all of them full of hatred
this is the devil who started the war
The sleeping lady was still sleeping, her mouth was wide open
i went back to my music
Mark Knopfler and James Taylor were Sailing to Philadalphia.

20 April 2007


Mother Earth has a well laid out plan.
Mummy has had enough of our violence and arrogance.

24 hours 365 days, mother earth is not just a programmed robot, its some thing more than that, It has a thinking mind. Its been spinning non stop for 4.5 billion years, some say 4.7 or 5, but i'll stick to 4.5 because my teacher said so.

We wonder about our hearts beating non stop since the day we are born. This earth has been spinning non stop for 4.5 billion years maintaining a constant speed. One second slower would charr us to death, one second faster would throw us all into the space.


Simple, only earth has liquid water.
Water generates life.

Distance from the sun is the main and deciding factor.

Lets take our immediate neighbours Venus and Mars. Venus is closer to sun, the water would boil and evoporate. Mars is far, water would freeze and it would never melt.

Please correct me if i am wrong, please don't be polite and accept what ever i say. i am telling you out of my school memory, which is ancient.

Other deciding factor is the circular orbit around the sun. The temprature is nearly constant, i said nearly, we have seasons, that is a different internal matter.

In an eliptical orbit, the temprature would not be constant, so life will not exist. Any other planet with similar characterstics and position will have life on it.

Mother earth is kind to us most of the time.

She has had enough, This has happened before. Now she is planning to wipe us out.
She has under estimated our love kindness and compassion, which will see us through the crisis.
She forced the giant reptiles to eat their own children. This will not happen here. We humans will sacrifice our lives so that our children would live.
I will not say she has underestimated human intelligence. It is human intelligence which is going to drown us and it is human intelligence which has brought us to face the crisis.
So we have to stop those intelligent and brilliant minds who are waging wars, spilling blood, making money, getting richer. These guys will become richer by selling fear, Selling global warming. Throwing you into panic. Giving you suggestions which will make them even richer.

I still maintain that global warming is not a result of human greed. They are making you feel guilty. They have some plan which i can't figure out. I'll think and tell you.

Democracy all over the world would last only for next 100 years. Perhaps even less. Democracy cannot exist in a state of emergency, when there is massive migration. Military rule will take over. I don't say martial law is good for us, at least we will get rid of greedy politicians. What we have to keep is our love compassion and kindness intact.

Rising sea level due to global warming will come into the land from all sides which will push us in slowly, resulting in massive migration. With expanding deserts, dried up rivers, which is already happening, we will have to live near water which will become scarce. We will have little land to live. The sea will keep coming in to engulf us as the planet gets warmer and warmer. Then mom will push us to a corner, strike us with one blow, we will be wiped out. This is her plan. This will take three to five hundred years in a slow phase.

So what do we do ?
please think and suggest.
First you have to understand that the things are seriously going wrong at all levels.
Global warming is just the beginning.
No panic as yet.
The environmentalists are giving you a scare.

Some suggestions are repeated here from the SPEED 13 post in January
Super powers acting as world police will not work
We have to do it at local levels to begin with.
Earth can heal itself without our help.
But we are not allowing it to heal
The entire planet is run and managed by female species, only humans are male dominated. Completely against nature. This has to go. Change of heart.

All decisions to be taken at local level with women having deciding powers. They will keep love kindness and compassion going.
I don't say men are not kind. But it is men who wage wars. it is men who need comforts, it is men who demand speed. i am a man and i know what i am talking about.

We have to do what mummy wants us to do. Warm coastal areas all over the world are thickly populated, causing maximum damage. Abandon the coastal area, 200 KMs from the coast, 500 KMs for larger continents all over the world.

We have to withdraw, just take our hands off, give back the land.

No attempt to help, by growing artificial forests as the environmentalists suggest which would be a disaster.

Allow the nature to grow, all along the coast. Allow it to heal itself. You can see pictures in my earlier posts how nature picks and chooses and how it grows in abandoned areas You can see the power of growth.

If we do it in another twenty years you can see the temprature drop and a steady sea leavel in 50 years. Australians have to move to Asia. Only kindness and compassion will help, i don't mind repeating it. And the People of England will have to move to Africa. No one will be superior, No one will be inferior. Nature will teach us a lesson.

Well planned migration will be lot less painful than forced migration.
No right to property
You have to allow migrating people to occupy lands inside. This cannot happen in a democracy, so the military rule will help. This has to be done before panic sets in. Panic will set in another 50 years all of a sudden, because we have been taking wrong steps to tackle global warming, following the suggestions of the greedy people.

We have time but not much time. Migration is inevitable. There is no other way.
My friends would laugh at my ideas, but some of you will take it seriously.

13 April 2007


Have to move fast, it was getting dark
looked up , yea i could see the sky now
there was more light in this part of the forest, My mouth was dry like i never had water for days, Just after the sunset. Dehydrated again,
Still half a mile to walk, no strength left, my knees shaking.
i was sitting on a rock, with shattered pride.
Completely drenched in sweat, completly.
Taking deep breaths, Dripping wet.
Drops of sweat falling from my head, tip of my nose like an open tap, badly needed some more water to drink. Half a mile in a forest was quite a long walk in this fading light.
My palms were badly bruised, I could see two blood clots on my left palm, right below the fingers. Are they blood clots ? took a closer look through my fogged spects
i was carrying a towel in my camera bag wanted to dry my head
it just did not matter. Nothing mattered any more.
yea yea yea i shook my head and smiled
Things in the bag were so meaningless.

Nearly lost my life, an hour ago
i was shivering, it wasn't that cold, mid february it was.
i was shivering with fear, i was shivering with cold.
i was not afraid when i was facing death.
Fear gripped me now, on safer ground
Sitting on a rock completely shattered.

'raufaan' i heard my mom's voice calling me
raufaan, again
Hallucination, i was clearly halucinating
Amma, maaaaa........... it was in my head
This time i whispered 'Amma', i called my mom
i did not cry
Felt heavy in my chest, lump in my throat, but did not cry
No more voices.
They stopped
Wrong place to smoke and attract elephants
Now i did not care, i lit my pipe and smoked.

George Clooney, he got an oscar, George Clooney ? his death in syriana came to mind
one explosion, so many dead, on the road.
Do i have enemies ? No, i have lot of people who are pretty mad at me but no enemies.
incoherant thoughts. Vision was getting blurred.
Did not even bother to clean my spects.
Lyeeqh, my childood friend, blind he was, terrific singer, have to locate him and meet him, never met him for more than 40 years,
As if !! haha, how sweet !! Clueless, Alicia Silverstone, sweet she is,
Azzif .... i said aloud, and she twists her lips, i smiled

No, i should not tell any one about my stupidity, my weakness.
Things started getting more incoherant,
Ramgopal, cheated me, i am happy that he is dead.
Am I happy that some one is dead ?
i complain abour evil people, ...... i am evil.
Is there any one who would be happy if i died ?
None that i could think of

Two floors above the butcher
First door on the right
Life filled to the brim
As I stood by my window
And I looked out of those
Brooklyn roads
i was humming the song now, Neil Diamond its in my iPOD

streets of my childhood, my playmates, we used to play cricket across the road with a bat made out of a plank cracked wood, this flashed my mind as i was dying an hour ago.
i am afraid to cross the same road now, non stop traffic. i could have died on the road years ago
am i going mad ?
i am going mad
dialogue running in my mind with my mother as I smoked
A moment ago i heard her voice, calling me.

i loved my mom to bits, she died in my arms, with a spoon i was pouring water in her mouth, i saw her last breath leave. I closed her mouth, i held her in my arm, staring at her kind face, her lips opened, then she took one more breath, that was her last. i felt so guily, that i closed her mouth before she died, before her last breath, kissed her on her forehead, still warm,
Gently placed her on the pillow.
It was all coming back to me now.

I did not cry.
I loved her so much.

No you don't love me

amma ??.........maaaaa ?

Do you think I am not alive ?

yes maaa you are alive

i suddenly realised that mother is alive, it is not just a piece of rock like moon and other planets.....this planet is special.
Mother Earth.
Mother earth.....lifeless soil, rocks, lifeless water, hydrogen and oxygen, no life. just solid liquid and gas, no life, no mind.

How wrong I was. Mother earth can think, it can act. it can punish, defying all the laws of physics.
Mother earth wrote her own laws
She has a heart, she has a mind.
I belive in science, nothing else, I need conclusive proof of everything.

Do you know you are the only one who has defied my wishes my child ? defied my rules ?

No i have not maaa !
This is not hallucination, i was talking to myself, like Anthony perkins in Psycho
I am making things up. This dialogue, smoking, completely dehydrated. Not in sound mind.

Yes i have been disobedient maaa, some times

Why are you so proud ? what makes you sooo proud ?
Do you think you are superior to my other children ?

Yes amma, i am superior.

I just shattered your pride and you were crawling ? remember ? an hour ago ? you were down on your knees, remember ?

My mouth was dry, this is something i didn't want to tell even to my closest friends

Do you think you are special ?

yes maaa, i am, i was defiant

Do you think you are superior to your own brothers ?

yes i am maaaa !

Why ? tell me why ?

i have knowledge, i know the capital of united states is Hollywood, I have 2 cameras and i have three iPODs full of terrific music maaaa !

I could imagine my mother smiling at me

You are such a fool my son, these things don't mean anything to me, your knowledge is so useless to me.

i have 300 rupees in my bank amma

the elephant behind you doesn't even have a bank account and he is lot happier than you are

oh dear ! I jumped when i heard some noise, no elephants, this side of forest area was not dense like the one i had climbed an hour ago, so dense that there was hardly any light there

Watch out my child, you are stepping on elephant dung

thanks maaa !

take a closer look

it was dark but i could still see worms in the elephant dung and flies, no, not flies mosquitos, not sure, they were too small, very thin and black, hundreds of them.

My child, you are no superior than the worm in elephand dung, you are all the same to me, i take care of all of you, i feed you all.

i am wise amma, i have wisdom and i am intelligent, this worm is not, you are insulting me.
what a comparison ! me and a worm ha !
i have the power to destroy them amma. I can smash them right now and God has chosen me as a superior to rule the world

What god ? you mean the god you have created ? How foolish ?

I am so ashamed to call you my son, you are a coward you know that ?
You - are - such - a - coward, you use your power to destroy the weak, this worm is a part of me you fool, and you are no longer a part of me., and it is contributing in maintaining the balance my child, it is lot wiser than you are.
I am ashamed of you.
Your wisdom and intelligence has only inflicted injuries on me, smeared the blood of the innocent children on me, I am wounded my child I am bleeding, you have hurt your own mother, these worms are not hurting me a bit.

We are doing everything we can to heal your injuries maaa, we are doing our best.

how wrong you are my child, like the wounds you have on your body now, I can heal myself, i don't need your help,
you are too small to help me you fool.
Even if you make me greener as i was thousands of years ago I will continue to punish you.
I can make myself green, I can beautify myself you know ? without your help
I don't need your help.

What can you do, tell me what can you do maaa ? i am intellegent enough to defend myself

haha ! you forgot, you nearly lost your life just a while ago, its me who saved you, a thin flimsy root saved your life.

No, i was angry, No, i could have used anything to save my life
i did not beg for mercy

But it was the root which saved your life

i did not beg
i did not pray to any god, or beg for mercy, i was willing to die
i did not beg

but it was the strength of the thin root

i could have used anything to my advantage at that moment, it happened to be the strength of the root

you are alive now

i have the will to survive,
ok what will you do amma ? tell me what will you do to us ?

I'll destroy you and your brothers and sisters in a matter of few seconds

How much is that ? your few seconds haa ?

Say five hundred years of your time, I am giving you enough time to rectify yourself.

What ? whats wrong with me ? why do i rectify myself ?, i am fine thank you.

Yes I am right, I made the mistake of bringing you in here, you your brothers and sisters are the biggest blunder I have commited, bigger than the giant reptiles.
You are such a disappointment to me my child. Its time I rectify my mistake, its time for you to go, I'm affraid your days are numbered,
Yes you have to go, your days are numbered.

C'mmon amma you always say that when ever i am disobedient.

This worm obeys my wishes, obeys my rules, it is in line, and it is in order and you are not.
you have moved away from the order, moved away from the line.

We are trying to join them amma, we are trying, honestly

No you are not. you are not even making an attempt,
It is not the injuries you have inflicted on me that bothers me,
It is your attitude your arrogance which hurts me most.
You are lost in your petty philosophies, you created gods, you created religions, do you think it helped me ?
Not one bit.
you brought misery on your own brothers, you deny them what i give to all. You stand divided, you drew lines on my body, you divided your own mother ? How shameful of you ?
You impose your thinking on others. if they refuse to join you, you destroy and kill them ??,
you enjoy violence in the news, you enjoy violence in your sport and you enjoy violence in your entertainment. You take pleasure in spilling blood,
and to annoy me more, YOU TREAT YOUR OWN BROTHERS AS INFERIORS, you keep them hungry, you see them dying of starvation when i have given you plenty to share with all my children.
I had such high hopes on you, I thought you would be the best of all my children,
you turned out to be the worst, you have disappointed me miserably.
I have no option, but to wipe you off my surface.

oh dear!.... mom is clearly mad at us

what do we do amma, tell me what do we do ? We have woken up now, we have realised our mistakes

No, you have not, you are not awake, you are still sleeping.

We are doing what we can amma, we are trying to help you

No, I can take care of myself, what dumb notion trying to help me ?? ha !
This worm in the elephant dung can help me more than all of you put together.

What do you expect us to do then, maaaa ??

I will not take anything less than a change of heart.
now go, it is dark. and stop smoking you idiot, you are killing yourself, you are the only self destructive species I have to deal with and believe me my child, you and your brothers will help me in destroying you by killing each other yourself. Go kill each other, you would be making my task lot easier, and I will have lot less guilt in wiping you and your brothers off my surface.
I will think of keeping you alive only if you behave and prove to be good children
And not by healing my injuries.

We will fight maaa, we will fight, self destructive you said, yes we are, you cannot finish us like you did to the giant reptiles, you cannot make us beg maaa, you cannot make us beg
we are humans, we have love, we have compassion, and most of all, we sacrifice maaa,
we sacrifice
We would sacrifice for our children, for our younger generation, we are not giant reptiles maaa who ate their own childrento stay alive.
We will sacrifice our lives, sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice, Elton John, i have that on my iPOD maa you wanna hear it ?

Just shut up, I hate lawyers

I am not a lawyer maaa,
Amma, do you still care about us ?

Of course I do. you better change your attitude and remember,
Now go, its dark
i have a flash light maaa,

And watch out for snakes, they are my children too.

amma, maaaa ???
No answer.

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Half an hour of walk in the forest, in dehydrated condition. I came out of the forest,
what a relief,

i walked in to a huge tea estate, open sky, more light here, this is just a part of the tea estate, very big area
i realised our blunders, such a huge area of forest was destroyed for tea plantation.


Beyond this tea estate is the forest.

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Took this picture before i entered the forest.

My friend Asokan and the guide were waiting for me, Asokan was shocked to see me. He said he has never seen me so shattered before. How is the water falls ? he asked
i said it was not worth the risk, Asokan and i have seen lot better waterfalls more beautiful ones. We have gone on the Himalayan trek together some 25 years ago, we have traveled a lot together. Asokan being much senior to me, my most respected friend, my guide, my teacher.

What took you so long ? the tribal guide asked me, i gave him 100 rupees and went straight for the water which was coming thru a pipe. We had to walk for more than two miles on a easy jeep track. We walked under the moonlight towards the road and i heard the sound of a distant bus or a truck
That sound was music to me
We humans

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I was stupid enough to go on a trek in an unknown territory unequipped, though i am quite familiar with Wynad forests Had a guide, a young tribal, but he never told me how steep the descent was, wanted to go and see a waterfall i heard about, take pictures , i could hear the roar of the river from a mile below.
Can't be that far i thought, Meenmutty in Wynad kerala, this happened two months ago

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Steep descent is more difficult than climbing, it was tough on my knees, i am too old for it and it was getting steeper, nearly vertical, too late to give up. Since it was nearly vertical, the roots of the trees were jutting out giving me a good foothold. I was descending holding on to the roots. Dense and dark forest, no fear of elephants.
Too steep and slippery for them and they are more sensible than me,
i just had to watch out for snakes.
My hands were not free to take pictures.
I'll cut it short, No problems, i reached the waterfall, nothing great, i have seen lot better ones. Took pictures, stayed there for more than half an hour. It was nearing sunset. Completely refreshed, too late for a mile of vertical climb. The guide disappeared, i started climbing, was soon panting for breath, no place to sit and take rest, you can't sit on a near vertical terrain. i could just stop, holding on to a couple of roots, take a few deep breaths and climb again. My camera bag was a burdon.

i started cursing myself, cursing my love of the wilderness, i longed for traffic, traffic noise, roaring of engines, honking of horns, i longed for the city, noisy markets, pollution, i am not ashamed of admitting this. i was sweating too much, no water to drink. My hands were not free to open a water bottle, there was no bottle. i was afraid i would get dehydrated and collapse. My hands were wet, This was prooving to be more difficult than all my Himalayan treks.
My bad luck
I stepped on a loose rock and i slipped, went sliding about 10 feet down,
As I was sliding fast, I grabbed a root, my feet dangling in the air, hoping some tree or a branch would stop me from falling on to the rocks below. i could feel something like a row small beads in the root, giving me a good grip.

So this is the end, my whole life, my childhood flashed before my eyes.
A very thin root held my life, it could snap. end of me.
'me' sounded so meaningless now.
I did not feel the pain of bruises and cuts on my chest.
i'll go now. Last sunset of my life.
As it was getting darker, the roar of the river below me was getting louder.
Just seconds before i fall, smashing my head against the rocks and the river will take me. i was more worried about causing a problem to Asokan, my friend who was waiting for me up there in locating my body.
The thin root turned out to be too strong. I felt the power of nature,
I am not strong, physically, mentally
my palm was burning, no blood, one hand free.
If i try to swing my legs, the thin root would snap. There was no option.
One two three i swung, just a little
i could see another root which I could hold with my free hand, not far, but my free hand couldn't reach it.
i swing again, my shoulder was killing me, missed once , on my second attempt i grabbed it with my free hand and hauled myself up.
This stupid camera bag still dangling, managed to trap one foot on another root, little away. i stayed in that spread position for ten minutes, breathing heavily, dust in my mouth and nostrils, Face down, smelling the loose and dry soil. A thin root saved my life, so strong it was.
Badly needed a little flat space to stop, free my hands and clean up my spects which were fogged with dust while sliding down.
The whole thing took just a few seconds including the flashback of my life, my childhood.
i felt weak, no strength in my legs and in my hands, I was getting dehydrated.
i will not do this again, there are people waiting for me at home, my life is full of love up to the brim
No i will not do it.
i just wanted to reach a spring i saw on my way down. where does that water go ?
It should go down and join the river, but i saw no signs of it, no noise, as the roar of the river down below was too loud. did not know how far I had to climb to reach there.
i rubbed my face against my shirt sleeve rubbing my spects which cleared the dust a little but there was still covered with dust from inside. i was able to see now, bit more clearly, saw a thicker root or was it a tail of a snake ?
The root did not move, so it wasn't a snake, i grabbed the thicker root, lot safer.
i was hoping that the guide would come back looking for me, he did not.
i will not pay him, but i paid 100 rupees later.
Where's my iPod ? i remember it was in my pocket. No, it's in my camera bag, my guide was listening to it, at the waterfall, he did not like the music, He made faces and gave it back to me and i put it in the camera bag.

Mr. Eric Clapton, my guide did not like your music.

It was getting dark, i could not see the sky yet, my hands were not free to take the flash light out of my camera bag. Lets go, soon reached the spot which was more inclined less vertical. No strength in my legs, Dehydration was getting me.
i crawled, shamefully crawled. My knees were not injured, i was wearing thick Lee Dungrees.
Crawling was a relief to my aching shoulders. Was i climbing in the right direction ?
i have a poor sense of direction and half my faculties were not working
i did not see my foot marks, Dark. Then i heard the gushing sound of water hitting rocks nearby. i had drifted but not very far. Crawled in that direction side ways.
Yes, found it, the spring. i did not see the source. Not much place to sit, a little flat rock, Crouched, had to shove my head inside
Something is missing,
something is missing
Cupped my hands to take water, and i drank, and i drank
i did not even wash the dust and dirt on my hands, nothing existed for me
just me and the water.

i felt the cuts and bruises now.
Later that night in the hotel room, i found no cuts or wounds, just minor bruises, very minor. Perhaps it was my sweat burning them. My palm burned too but still i did not see the blood clots.
As i was withdrawing myself, I realised that in sheer desperation i forgot to do something vital
i should have thrown a couple of stones before entering the wierd looking cave like rock
This is the kind of place where you would most likely encounter a snake, i would have collapsed dehyderated in another five minutes. It was not half as bright as the picture shows. I could barely see the water. Took a picture in poor light.

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Another five minutes, it was easy to climb, less trees more light.
Soon i started sweating again, still no place to sit, still it was vertical for me, where did all the water i drank go? descending back to drink more water was foolish, had no time, it was getting darker and darker
i was still looking up, trying to see the top, I couldn't even see the sky. in ten minutes i reached a spot from where it was still less steeper. i saw the sky. Thankfully this steep strech was very short, in ten minutes I reached the top but still not out of the forest, had to walk on flat trail for another twenty to thirty minutes, half a mile.
i saw no snakes, none, not one.
Found a rock and sat there. there was more light here.
right after sunset.
I was safe,
No not yet, I saw the elephant dung. They can't be very far
i had no strength to run. i needed more water to drink,
i was badly sweating, dripping wet, breathing heavily.
shivering with fear, shivering with cold

And i started hearing voices in my head
i was halucinating.

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Actually the Meenmutty trek is not very difficult, As i was entering the forest i saw six youngsters crossing me, they stopped and spoke to my friend Asokan,
one of them said, 'uncle you can't make it, its too steep and dangerous, uncle, we gave up'.

I did not take the warning. Luckily my friend Asokan stopped, but i like a damn fool decided to go ahead, as i told you the trek is not very difficultIt was my bad luck that I placed too much faith on a loose rock and slipped. Perhaps I was very tired after Edukkal caves trek in the morning with Asokan. That was not as vertical as this, and there were solid rocks, we made it easily.

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i was feeling wierd right since morning, it was the kind of feeling when you are appearing for your exams unprepared. i was afraid of exams even when i was well prepared. The trek in the morning with Asokan was quite steep but not near vertical, on our way back i took these pictures, and this scene struck me like a thunderbolt.

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Why are they doing this ? What a sin ! chopping so many trees, this is just from a small forest area.
i realised they are chopping them to meet our demands.

If i have a big dining table my neighbour would like to have even a bigger one.
Demand is the key. i don't blame them.

Our problems lie somewhere else.
Believe me, the people who are talking about saving this planet have no clue what they are talking about.

6 April 2007


In a class room a couple of bullies make some mischief
who did that ? the teacher wants to know
rest of the boys are too meek and afraid to tell the teacher for the fear of getting beaten up by the bullies
Teacher is angry, she has to punish some one
so, as it happens always, she punishes the entire class.

This is exactly what is happening to us

Nature has decided to punish us all