29 September 2007

ERROR MESSAGE

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Dear Mr. Google
i was eating very crisp potato chips making loud cracking noise when this happened.
i am sorry if the explosion rattled you resulting in this error.
i promise i will never eat potato chips while reading my friend's blogs.
Would you kindly suggest some other less noisy munches which are less shocking ?
Is ice cream ok ?
thanking you
Sincerely
rauf
Daylight again


DESCRIBE WHAT YOU WERE DOING WHEN YOU GOT THIS ERROR

ok, what would be your confession ? How would you answer this ?

20 September 2007

I AM AN ANGEL

i helped a blind man cross the road.

How sweet of me, what an Angel i am !!

i helped a blind man cross the road he didn't want to cross.

Happened last month. i saw a blind man tapping a parked car nearly smashing the headlights with his thick walking stick which had a cycle bell attached to it.

While trying to avoid the parked car he was almost in the middle of the road with cars speeding inches away from him.

Then i got this brain fever to do something good
i wanted to be a good samaritan
Honestly, i thought he wanted to cross the road.

i rushed to his rescue grabbed his arm dragged him across the road,
he came like an unwilling goat offering meek resistance.

where are you taking me..... where are you taking me ?

This conversation in Tamil, our local language.

i said, i helped you to cross the road

i didn't want to cross the road, he said

what ?

i didn't ask for your help

oh dear !

i saw some grinning faces, the road side hawkers, hated the grin on cycle repair guy
Embarassing situation.
What a goof !

I was on my way to the bank which is on the other side, said the blind man

oh you have money ?

what a stupid question to ask, my hand still holding his arm

He suddenly became stiff, alert, his shoulder went up trying to free himself from my grip, grip of a possible pick pocket.
i made my grip tighter and dragged him back to the otherside in a flash, through speeding traffic.
This time he followed like a willing goat.

Now the pavement sellers on the other side were laughing at me.
Like a fool i took him back to the same parked car and he started tapping again with his stick, narrowly missing the big tail light.
i panicked,
grabbed his arm again and steered him away from the brand new shiny Hyundai or Honda car, metallic grey
No point telling a blind man that it is a new metallic grey car,
it is just an obstacle for him.
The owner of the car would get a heart attack if there's a scratch on his car.

where is your bank ? let me take you there, i said

No thank you, he shrugged off my hand, freeing himself,
No thank you, i know where it is i'll go there myself, he said

I shrugged my shoulders
He did not see me shrug my shoulders, he was blind you see.
He walked away

No space for him on the side walk which was occupied by hawkers displaying all kinds of stuff. He was tapping away on the road, tapping the wheel of mango cart, full of mangos neatly stacked.
The mango seller warned him to stay clear of his cart.
He just stopped there for a couple of seconds, his face down probably checking if i was still following him, like a pick pocket

who wants to go to his miserable bank any way ?
i am not interested in his bank
i am not interested in my own bank
i have my own bank account you know ? may be less than ten dollars there
and i have a cheque book too.
They told me to surrender the cheque book if i don't maintain a minimm balance of some five hundred rupees
They hate me
i hate them back passionately.

They lose millions of rupees through fraud and robbery and they have a pen attached to the table with a string.
How stupid !!
who is going to steal their stupid cheap pen which never writes.
Morons, absolute morons
Many times i thought of cutting the string with a blade but
i have utter contempt for their pen and more contempt for their bank
It gives me a great pleasure to read about bank frauds and i love bank robbery movies.


when some guruji or swamiji raises both his hand to bless people and says
'mayee yall beeyeengs be aeppee' (may all beings be happy)
that includes the frauds and the bank robbers

they are the happiest people in the world.

guruji's universal prayers work only for frauds politicians bank robbers and lawyers
They are all one actually, oh forgot the pick pockets, same thing.

.

12 September 2007

FRENCH CONNECTION - PONDICHERRY

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The man getting roasted in scorching Indian sun is Joseph François Dupleix,
He is in the history books.
The French left him in Pondicherry with no umbrella, passport or money.
They could have given him a cap atleast.


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Pigeons love him. Don't worry, he gets an
occasional wash. i think the tsunami washed him too, not sure.

He was still standing there when i left.


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Pondicherry is no Paris, looks more like a French caribbean town, 150 kilometers south of Chennai on the eastern coast of India, used to be a French colony.
They left in 1954, but the delightful influence, attitude and style still lingers on.


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This is some memorial, don't know what. Looks French alright, there are some cannons on display.


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i don't miss many movies shot in France, love the countryside, Meg Ryan's French
Kiss, oh what a delight, both the French countryside and Meg Ryan..


Two that i saw recently are Steve Martin's Pink Panther and Jackie Chan Chris Tucker's Rush hour 3, shot in Paris.
Rush hour 3 takes you through the streets of Paris, its a movie for
brainless people like me.

Don't have to know what is going on, don't have to follow the story if there was any.
just watch the delightful locations and
HEEEEE HAAAAA karate' fights. every two minutes.
A girl is kidnapped and taken to the Eiffel tower
what girl ?
don't ask questions, just munch your pop corn
its enough if you know that they are bad guys and good guys will come beat up the bad guys and rescue her. And you keep munching your pop corn.
Then there is all kinds of Karate' stunts on the Eiffel tower. you get to see the aerial view of Paris, ignore the fights.
End of movie.


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Good that the present politicians have retained the original street names.
This is just a part of Old Pondicherry, very clean, well maintained and the rest of the town is not so.


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Not much traffic and no crowd, less activity. It is not a happening place like Banaras.
Attracts a lot of European tourists. If you can walk on a frying pan, you'd love the place.
Best time is October to March, when the frying pan is less hot.


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Doesn't look French, looks Spanish Portugese or Mexican ?? Don't know


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Ah ! Wonderful beach ???, well, not any more, it used to be good but now the sea is coming in.


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Very Stylish still. Peace and quite. You'll find some quiet corners and enjoy the French cusine.


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Distinctly French, I have seen Charles DeGaulle wearing it, This is the local Police uniform. They still retain the French Army and Police Cap, i have seen Pink Panther, Peter Sellers wearing it.


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The locals used to speak French. Now its Tamil and English, you can still find old timers speaking French. The original is always pleasant


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What annoys me most are the foreigners who are staying there permanantly.
They pity the locals and tell them how to live.
Very 'Kind' people.
Specially the Aurovilleans.
They are a big pain.
Briefly, Auroville, little away, an international community, started with good intentions, with the soil of all over the world in an amphi theatre and an all religions or non religious temple. But soon it got into trouble with the government.
They want to do us Indians a favour by their interference and guidance we don't need.
They were soon put in their place.


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And then there is an Ashram.
Ah ! There are so many of them in India.......thousands
this one is no special.
Quiet people really
i know some of them.
they are nice
they are very nice
they are very very nice

and they are always smiling.
If you are very very nice and always smiling, believe me i'd avoid you.
Fruit cakes.

You smile when a bull comes charging at you ??
You smile and offer your other cheek ?
Not a very good idea, You'll get one there too, free, on the house.

The question is, why did he slap you ?

Because you told him something good to him ?

You told him something what YOU THOUGHT was good for him
He didn't think so.
Big mistake.
Imposing what YOU THINK is good on others.
i know what is good for me and you know what is good for yourself.

Best is avoidance. Avoid confrontation.
Don't create a situation of some one slapping you and you offering the other cheek

If he slaps, you slap him harder, make a police complaint, sue him.
but don't be a saint, they are all fakes

In Pondicherry, many are convinced that they are Jesus Christ.

Please don't be surprised to see people lined up offering you the other cheek,
just slap them on both.


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3 September 2007

ALLERGIES

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Cut your toe nails before you go on a trek.
your toe nails are always cut ?
good
i always think that every one is as lazy as i am.

How ever comfortable the shoes are they get painful when you are on a trek miles long as the foot lands on all the odd angles, you are not walking on a smooth road. Please never trek wearing new shoes.
i want to talk about allergies not about my new shoes.


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Oh dear ! how can i get into this bus ?
i wanted to get on top but my tribal friends did not let me, they said that the bus goes under some thorny trees.
lot of them are already sitting there, why not me ?
We don't want you to get hurt. Missed the bus, long wait of 5 hours for the next one. But missing the bus had some delight in store.


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That is a trained elephant, saw some wild ones too.
its been a while, spent time in the forests of Tamil Nadu. i carried a book but did not read, carried music but played only on my journey back home. Spent a lot of time with the tribals. i'll write about them later.



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oh yes allergies.
My mom used to tell me that i would go to hell if i don't behave.

i asked her once what hell was like
she said i would burn eternally, snakes and scorpions would bite me all the time.
i said, once i burn to ashes there is nothing left to burn eternally , no snakes and scorpions to bite me, EOS, end of story
she hated questions and arguements.
Her imagination was limited, i loved her to bits.
she said i'll come back alive the next day and burn again and snakes and scorpions would bite me then.
i was not a good boy, but i have improved, today i am bad man.

When i grew up i used to ask the priests who visited us,
what heaven was like and what hell was like.
Same answers. Fire, snakes, scorpions,
why poor snakes are associated with evil or hell ??
Poor guys mind their own business.

The picture of heaven they gave me was a mixture of Kashmir and Switzerland with Hollywood beauties as Angels serving you, Reese Witherspoon cooking and serving food and washing my clothes. Yes you have to wear clothes, heaven is not a nudist beach.
All you ladies would love to have George Clooney washing your dishes, mopping your floor in heaven, cooking Chinese food.
i want to talk about allergies and here i am ranting about heaven and hell.

Yes, i got it. Allergy is the worst kind of torture.
Next time when you see a priest please tell him to add Allergies to the list of tortures in the hell. They too have limited imagination. On my way back home some insect bite on my behind gave me some intolerable allergy. All allergies are intolerable.

A couple of days ago some ants got into my pants, while taking pictures of an ancient temple in the forest. Its ok if you are alone, but most embarassing when ladies are around.
But no such embarassment in hell. Its ok there. There'll be some good company.


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Ah, cute looking worm ?
Not so cute really
Children grow up watching cartoon films with friendly, singing and dancing animals in the forest. Its fun to watch but things are far from friendly in a forest. i am an intruder. The forest doesn't like my presence in it. There are thorny bushes, stinging plants, snakes, poisonous insects like the above to keep people like me away. The tribal with me pointed this worm to me. i couldn't see it with my naked eyes. He told me the tamil name which i happily forgot the very instant as usual. Looks like a leaf, what you see below is an insect on a decaying leaf, not a plant. On touch, it causes rashes and allergies which last for a couple of weeks. Allergies can lead to complications and death.


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Trekking without a guide is not a good idea. Believe me, this worm was so cute, i would have touched it out of my sheer ignorance.

Most important
if you are traveling with your friends please let them know if you are allergic to something and you have to know about their allergies, so that you don't ruin your holiday. Allergy can spread to all over your body fast, sometimes causing difficulty in breathing
.


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Lots of birds this time, Elephants, Saw only 2 snakes in ten days, one was small the other one was pretty long. It just crossed without bothering me. i did not take any picture,
Those are old pictures. The snake just disappeared from the frame. i was busy taking pictures cursing my vision that i can't focus properly. The snake could have crawled towards me, big mistake, but highly unlikely as they too avoid humans. This looks like a non poisonous rat snake. Keep your eyes on the snake, is the advise and i will not reach for my camera. Stupid idea actually.


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Two different forests this time. Topslip side and Masinagudi. Stayed with my friends Ramesh and Suresh in their gorgeous forest resort, Wild Canopy Reserve. You'll find the link on the top of the side bar, please check out. i'll post pictures in my next blog. Thank you Poornima, Ramesh, Vasanthi, Jayanna and Suresh for your warmth and most delightful company. i had a wonderful time with you.


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