9 December 2006


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I tried to understand but couldn't come to any conclusion.
Would you please explain what is happening here ?

Took these quick shots while crossing them in another boat. I told the husband in English and in broken Malayalam to let his wife sit.
I had to yell at him as mine was a noisy motor boat.

'Bhaari' is wife, 'Irikki' is sit down in Malayalam. He mumbled something back which I couldn't hear as my boat was faster.

Half a mile away I kept looking back at the boat, the wife was still standing holding the baby. I lost sight of them after that.

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When I came back home after a few days I kept staring at these two pictures trying to understand what was happening.

This was not crossing the river or a short ride, they were still in the boat when I kept looking back and they were moving away.

There is little room where the husband is sitting. The wife has to cross the husband and sit behind him which would rock the boat.

There is more sense in wife standing. She wants to hold the baby and that is fine. Husband is managing the other kid. but why and how this happened ?

Husband gets in to the boat first and takes the older kid, then wife gets in holding the baby ? Why is she still holding the baby ?

There is room behind the husband, but he did not have the commonsense to occupy that seat and allow the wife to sit where he is sitting now.

Is it too late to adjust now ?
Is the wife too confident to take such a risk ?

Or the wife thought let me sacrifice my comfort for the safety of my family ?

We humans committed a monumental blunder on the page one. Page one is the first page of the last four pages of the fourteenth volume of the history of the universe. We clicked on a wrong link opening a wrong page and the subsequent pages, links and all the pop up windows were all wrong ones.

I'll conclude this series on environment in my next post SPEED 13 which is not a good number and will not make a pleasant reading.
This post is an introduction to that huge blunder we committed on page one.

I am fine healthwise, please do not worry about me. Things are going fine, a bit chaotic but under control. Thank you so much for your response and concern. I am just overwhelmed.
I love you all so much.



Anonymous said...

Hi, I invite u to visit



Rauf said...

Yes I will in a while Eternity, thank you for the invitation

Davo said...

everything is .. in evolution .. i guess.


Rauf said...

Very unpleasant topics on discussion here Davo. Evolution goes in wrong direction too sometimes.

Things are bit chaotic here rest is okkay
Hope you are doing fine Davo

Claudia said...

Probably the MOTHER thought let me sacrifice my comfort for the safety of my family... that's what usually happens as far as mothers are concerned (if she was just a wife this would probably not happen). It's not necessarily a bad thing nor does it mean that she's unhappy about it...
These pictures can be regarded as a symbol of motherly love, one of the fundamental building blocks for a functional society.

"Angeldust" said...

Hello Dear Rauf

They don’t appear to be a happy family - bad "vibes".
Definitely something going on.
It is possibly that you sensed this as you passed by.
The positioning of the bodies indicate that he is the “dominant” figure and she is totally submissive, although she is standing facing him.
Perhaps, in fear of making herself comfortable in his presence… ? It happens!
Sad, sad eyes… all of them. The children also appear really unhappy. There is a detachment/disconnection, they don't form "a unit".

OR, she is just plain defiant after a quarrel and they are all paying for it... (?)

Yet, my first asessment is probably the closest.


Have you already gotten over there the new environmental film on global warming “An Inconvenient Truth” ?

All my best to you – please keep well
Big hug

Cindy said...

Hi Rauf- I know that you and I differ greatly in our beliefs but I also know that that is something we can both respect and that will not keep us from being friends. A couple of weeks ago our son-in-law and daughter were here for a visit. Ben (SIL) had some DVD's with him which we watched (some of them)- I'd like you to visit the website where they came from- some of the articles about evolution are there-I don't think I've ever been so fascinated in all my life. You can find them at drdino.com I'd really like to hear what you think of them if you do take a look.
About the woman in the boat- just looking at the pictures, I get the impression she is subservient to her husband and by facing him while standing she seems to be showing him respect.

Gangadhar said...

Me completely agree with Angel Dust..And i wonder how people like the man in the boat behave like that..it's just disgusting..
And my best wishes to you,Rauf..

take care

Anonymous said...

i cant see any pics???

Cari said...

hi rauf!
if she doesn't know....
she's going to realize real quick
how uncomfortable she's going to be
i hope she speaks up and tells her
husband to move! :}

Anonymous said...

I read something intersting once that I hadn't thought of, and that is that women are also responsible for the subordination of women through time. It's true, because women are strong, and how else could men control them, except they are willing? So I don't completely blame men. Women have made choices, and it is more comfortable to leave things as they are, as they have always been, than to go through the discomfort of change. I am very grateful for the women in history who have gone to great lengths to win a better life for me. It makes me sad that this type of set-up is still prevalent in many places, everywhere. I have always been impressed, Rauf, that you are very loving to women -- in photos, in writing, it is so obvious, and that is rare and amazing.

I am glad to hear you are feeling better, you've been on my mind every day. The chaos will pass, and you will have a lovely new home. Best wishes in the meantime. I look forward to chatting with you here when we can.

Lots of love.

Anonymous said...

Rauf, that was me, Ruth!

Lord Boo said...

very true, Poms ! something that annoys me about Asian men, and i don't just mean India ( though i have grown up seeing the women in my family always being a subordinate the man in the family, be it their husband, father, brother or son ! ) but in most Asian and Arab countries, you find this. But then, having said that, and having experienced the "western life" and the women here, i don't know who is better off, and in a way, the women here in the West, no matter how much they declare themselves independant, are still slaves to man. They dress revealingly, so that they can attract men; they do everything so that they get a second glance from a man, and some women here do put up with nonsense from the men, so i guess you are right ! it all boils down to the Page One ! *hugs*

Anonymous said...

hmm..yeah. i think that is the time when the actions become awkward..there's the anxiety of crossing that vast body of water, particularly when you dont know swimming plus, two kids in tow. I've beent there, went on a canoe with my tow little ones and the depth of the water was about 50 feet, and icy cold. every little movement made me nervous even though i can mange swimming.

One misjudgement before hand, the husband goes in with the girl and sits down at the nearest bench, the boatman starts rowing, and all of them just cant move, stay in that position for fear.

Anonymous said...

Hi Rauf!
Interesting and little dificult quastion. Husband is the manager, but why wife is standing?
You say that this is the
page one of the first page of the last four pages of the fourteenth volume of the History of The Universe." We clicked on a wrong link opening a wrong page and the subsequent pages, links and all the pop up windows were all wrong ones".
This is unclear to me; and may be we have to understand historical Cause and Effect- how the past relates to the present.


Rauf said...

My dear Readers,
I sincerely apologise for my late response as things are yet to settle down. And when I wanted to respond the blogger was causing problems, the comments pop up window was not opening. I can see some of you had problems posting comments too. It seems to be working now. Thank you so much for your contribution
All my love

Rauf said...

Dear Claudia, Yes, the MOTHER is supreme.
Mother sacrifices everything for the welfare of the family
She herself is always the last in her priorities
This is a build up or a curtain raiser for my concluding post
on environment. Mother plays a vital role there.

Rauf said...

Hi Angeldust,
I am not surprised to receive so many different views and interpretations on what is happening in the picture.

Marriages in India are mostly arranged by the parents of both boy and girl. There is no element of love in the beginning. Love develops later.

Both the boy and the girl give in to the pressure of the parents.
Marriages are not always happy. Situation until the marriage ends
is always tense for the girl's parents. They have to bear all the expenditure, And there are always unjust demands from the boy's parents.

You are not going to believe this Angeldust. Apart from the large amount of cash demand as dowry, which is always beyong the means of a poor and middle class parents, the boy's parents demand things like scooter, car, household articles, like furniture refrigerator colour TV, air conditioners, whiich the girl has to carry to her husband's house.
Anything short results is a fight. In some cases (pretty common sight)
The groom and his parents stage a walk out and reject the girl.
This has resulted in suicide of either the girl or her parents.
to avoid this, beg or borrow the girl's parents some how meet the demands.

The tragedy is, this evil practice is rampant in educated families.
Under such circumstances the girl's married life begins with resentment. Slowly the girl manages and tries to fit in to her husbands household. Love develops later. In most cases love is absent. Life just goes on.

In many cases this is not the end of the girls problems.
Boy's parents continue with their demands of expensive things
There have been numerous cases of the girl getting murdered (mostly burnt) by the boy and his parents when the demands are not met.
'Bride burning'is a common term in India. They come under 'Dowry deaths'

It is so painful for me to write this Angeldust. You do not know how angry and hurt I am. I pour my anger and frustration in my blog. There is a law against dowry practice. But it is hardly followed. There is a very sad result of this evil practice.
Pregnent women willingly submit themselves for scanning now. Mostly forced by the boy's parents. If they find a female foetus, the girl is forced to go for an abortion. I will ask my other Indian readers to help the women subjected to such an evil practice

Love marriage is discouraged as there is a material 'LOSS' to the boy's parents.

lots of love and Hugs Angeldust.
i know this does not make a happy reading.

Rauf said...

Angeldust, let me add some funny details.
The demand for dowry from the boy's parents depends
on the family status of the boy. The amount the boy's parents
have spent on the boy's education is a major factor.
If the boy is highly placed having a good steady
government job, the demand for dowry is higher.
If the boy is working in a foreign country (oil rich countries)
the dowry touches the roof. If the boy is a green card holder
working in the US the demand touches the sky. He is a hot property.
I hold the girls parents responsible for this evil also.
Rich parents OFFER large amounts of dowry
and all the luxury items the best of electronics to
'TRAP' this hot property working in the US.
Having a son in law working in the US is a status symbol.
Girls parents are very proud of this status.

This evil practice is not restricted to Hindu families alone.
Same or worse cases are found in Muslim and Christian families.

Rauf said...

Dear Cindy,
none of my friends agree with my views. We have debates
heated arguements, but I have lost none of my friends as a result.
Some of them are very religious people, a couple of them are priests too.

Any one can convince on any theory if one has a good power of narration or a glib tongue. Hitler had a vision, he wanted to clean up this world. He had only two classes in mind, the masters and slaves. He convinced his people with powerful speeches. It was an evil plan, an evil dream. The people were so convinced that the entire country stood behind him to make his dream come true. Till today Cindy, the Church has not condemned Hitler's actions. Which is very surprising. The Church has not accepted it as an evil action. It is the power of narration which inspires people to commit acts of evil like terrorism and to become suicide bombers. Do you remember Hara Kari ? something like that. It is indeed very difficult to go against established bliefs. It takes hundreds of years to accept any changes.

Let me give you another fact Cindy. It was Nicolaus Copernicus who first thought of heliocentric theory (the sun being the centre of all the planets) The earth being round and going around the sun spinning on its axis. this was just a theory based on his calculations. Unfortunately Copernicus was a priest. A highly learnerd one at that. He practiced cannon laws and I think he was a physician too apart from being a mathemetician and an astronomer. But he had no proof, it was just a theory. He was afraid to publish it, but his papers were secretly passed or smuggled to other European countries like Holland and Germany, where they were favourably received. It was Galilio who confirmed Nicolaus Copernicus theory, by then Galileo had invented a telescope and he had visual and documented proof that the world is round and it is going around the sun spinning on its axis.

Just imagine the panic in the Vatican. By then Nicolas Copernicus theory was published (perhaps in Holland) and it was given to him on his death bed, he died a week later. Now Galileo was hounded by the Vatican. He was dragged to the Pope and was given a good hiding, he promised to stop any further studies on the subject. But the news had already spread like wild fire.

The cat was out of the bag and it ran all over Europe and parts of Asia.

The Vatican mafia confiscated all the books they could find, they were burnt on the streets in some cases along with the authors. Burning people alive was an 'in thing' those days as chopping of heads became out of fashion and more over the muslims had the copy rights on chopping of heads which they continue to have till date.

Houses were raided Rome Florence and other Cities,in FBI style, the entire family was dragged out where such books were found and they were burnt alive on the streets. This went on for over a hundred years. Galileo was put under house arrest and was not burnt alive because he had high connections in the Army and the Navy because of his inventions. (He invented water pump too)

There was panic in the vatican when Galileo died. He had already become a cult figure. Vatican was afraid that the place of his burial would become a place of pilgrimage for his fans. So his dead body was shifted to many places. He was condemned for 'heresy' as his findings were against the Bible which had established earth's position. Don't know where he was finally buried.

Cindy, Not in 1492, 1592, 1692, 1792 or 1892, but only ONLY as recent as 1992, 14 years ago, the Church finally accepted that the world is round and going around the sun spinning on its axis. The vatican cleared Galileo of all the heresy charges.

This theory of evolution had a different reception in the Vatican. By now they had become wise, they did not want to commit the blunder of putting a lid on the theory. You know they always have money lots of it. They hired scientists and people to write counter theories, the divine dessign and many such theory which you will find on the site you mentioned and in 'Evangelical Sceince' But they always come back to the Genesis. It is not possible for the Church to burn all the people who talk against it. The church too has evolved over hunderds of years. The are the masters of cover ups. Richard Nixon, Bill clinton or George Bush are a bunch of amateurs when compared to the cover ups happened in the Church. these presidents should have taken a crash course from the Vatican which they would have complied with glee. Unlike the theories of Nicolaus Copenicus and Galileo, the. Church this time may accept the theory of evolution a bit faster. They will not carry on with the embarrassment making a fool of themselves for long.

What ever I write is based on facts Cindy, I don't mean to hurt any feelings of beliefs. Even the theory of evolution is not perfect, it has holes in it. But it is most plausible of all the theories till now. Some thing better or near perfect theory may come in the future.

Cindy, Your observation about the picture is true. There may not be any love but showing respect is common practice here in India. It is worse in the north. Wife hardly opens her mouth. She quietly accepts her low position and subjects herself to all the abuses. Things are different in the cities. But still i cannot boast of freedom of women even in highly educated families. Equality is still a distant dream here in India. I'll write more about it in my concluding post on environment.

I am indeed thankful for your comment, there may be a difference of opinion but it helps to open new windows of my mind. Hope you keep making me rich with your views. Hope our friendship continues and grows in the years to come

I sincerely apologise for my late response Cindy.

Anonymous said...

I agree with the interesting observation of most of the commentors here. He is a very inconsiderate man, and looks like a male chauvnist as well. Where has all the chivalry gone?

It is probably not his fault. He may have grown up watching his father do the same to his mother and obviously he thinks it is the right thing to do. I blame the parents for not allowing the child to be expressive and for setting a bad example. I often see elder couples walking... the husband walks 10 feet ahead and the wife trails behind not bothered to catch up or walk together with her husband. In an ego-centric male driven society, one cannot expect the young males to grow up any different unless they stay away from the family and see the world in a broad and open sense. Wife abuse stems out from the same fact displaying male supremacy over the delicate women folks.

If it was in my hands, i would drive such people to the edge of the earth and push them over. I would teach my kid the importance of relationships and respect for the opposite sex while maintaining their self respect and esteem at the same time. I know i cant teach a lot, but it will definitely help if i set the right example by doing the right thing in front of them. If everyone starts setting the correct examples for their kids, im sure the next generation would be an entirely different set of humans who are compassionate and loving.

Take care Rauf. I hope you are keeping good health how. I have been busy the last coupla weeks and was out of the blogging island.

"Angeldust" said...

Dear Rauf
Hope to find you well.
Thank you so much for explaining.

I am "somewhat" familiar with the culture in such respects as we possibly have the largest Indian population outside of India here in the Lower Mainland of British Columbia.
The “Indo-Canadian” Community is very visible - I have often said at Surrey’s Centre Mall is as almost being in Dehli – and I don’t say that in animosity, as I love all the colorful saris and flair of the culture. You guys are alive!
We also had a great migration from Punjab not solong ago – those settlements always bring adjustment problems with them, but … enough time has gone by already for this to continuo.

We had three murders in past couple of months, all young Indo-Canadian women, one of them even found burnt. These were educated “local” women among them a teacher…
We continually hear of the violence within teh community and other abuse that goes on… As a result, for the first time , in the open, there have been a series of open-houses informing and educating the community, which it is almost paralyzed in silence.

Only one person has been arrested so far in relation to one of the murders (you guessed) the husband. Even here, these crimes appear to go on unresolved.
We have a case pending for years now, where a young woman fell in love with a poor man in her parents village during a “match visit”, she went back on her own to marry him, and they sent someone after her to murder them on the side of the road… the husband survived. Her co-workers still have not gotten over it, and our police has not acted on “evidence” that even the TV stations had managed to gather – such as her mother instructing her uncle to kill her!!!

For the good news… I had friends back in Calgary, born in Kenya, educated in England in arranged marriages, with friends in arranged marriages, that managed to learn and love each other (I HAD to ask!) and have wonderful families. I especially admired Brij and Narinder… an absolutely stunning woman. At the same time they are totally adjusted to the Western culture (not necessarily meaning that that is a good thing). When his father died, also a physician, there was a Raby, a Priest, a Pastor and Gov official in what constituted a Hindu funeral ceremony with a very “obvious cremation” as the casket slid into the “pyre” I front of all…… ouch - it came unexpected for me!

Some of these “village customs” must be “genetically encoded” like all other stuff is, and until enough new habitual information reaches the cell levels of those practicing a new behavior, the (feral ?) instinct of such “tribal practice” will not be erased.
A lot of these ancient customs (of all sorts) are practiced all over the world – in some places “nothing changed”, peopleliving in a sort of time warps… Curious, isn’t it?

Love, joy and a biiig hug
(You did not tell me if you already got a release of the “An inconvenient truth”)

ruth said...

I have been fascinated to read everyone's comments. Thank you for the Copernicus/Galileo story too.

This morning I remembered the story of "The Burning Bed" because there is so much here about people being burned throughout history. Do you know this story? It took place right here in my little town in Michigan. The woman was abused by her husband for 13 years, and finally, she killed him by setting him on fire while he slept in his bed. It was written in a book, and there was a movie with Farrah Fawcett. She was found not guilty by reason of insanity.

Rauf said...

Dear Readers
I am caught in no man's land as my internet connection is being shifted to my temporary residence,
which we have taken up until our house is reconstructed. It will take 2 days to reconnect.

On Saturday 16th I am leaving for Bangalore to attend Suresh's (Wildpic)exhibition, I'll be back on tuesday. I'll try to respond to all the comments before I leave. I am taking time as I like to respond to each comment in detail.
Thank you so much, please bear with me for a few days
I love you all
I am at a local internet browsing centre.


Love you too mate. Been a bit out of it lately with Jax n all. (She's doin fine by the way. 1 Titanium rod and 5 screws in her spine. Should be home Mon/Tue. Her Russian coach wants to know when she's going back training!! Must be a culture thing!!)

Anyroad, hope yer ok mate.

Disconcerting pics. How can you not have the sense to allow your wife to sit down, 'specially with a baby!!

You take care Rauf.

(The Drunk Punk Radio Show goes out this Saturday at midnight GMT. Dunno what time that is your end but yer welcome to pop along - instructions how to on me blog. Any requests n I'll play if I can find)

Cheers man, 4D

Leila said...

She does not seem to have a choice as to whether to sit down, yet she does seem to have the choice of whether to put her bag down, and has not done... maybe there is more to the scene than it appears.

iamnasra said...

Nice post ...Loved this post it makes you think

Bobbie said...

Hi Rauf,
If they were anywhere other than a boat, this would be a perfectly natural scene. We all assume her husband is mistreating her in some way or showing his superiority by sitting himself while she stands. However, she doesn't look frightened or uncomfortable. It's almost as if she decided she didn't feel like sitting. Possible the seats weren't clean and she didn't want to damage her dress....I guess we'll never know!

Anonymous said...

Hi Rauf

maybe it has to do with the balance of the boat? maybe the man gets dizzy standing up with the movement.

Anonymous said...

Hi Rauf

Numerous possibilities...
The alpha male concept perhaps?

May have lost a fight with her at home. Let her stand now.Some consolation for him!

May be she can't sit down...probably a boil on her bottom??..

But what he mumbled was 'why the hell are you bothered? my wife may stand or swim. Its none of your business!!'. And thats for sure.

Good thought anyway.

Edithdyqgzdf said...

Hi Rauf, I have been looking at these two pictures three times and read the comments. I am pleased to see you were outraged! Men and women should be equal. But in some cultures they are not - that is not in public surroundings. At home women are the number "one" but it isn't custom to show this to the outside - it seems to be cultural forbidden. I don't think they are thinking badly about it. It's the right way for them without thinking at all. I am afraid we can't change these things. It may be different for people living in the cities having an education but not for people living in the countryside without education close to the elderly clinging to the original habits. Edith.

Anonymous said...

i se eno one believes my theory :)

oh well, its nice to see all the pics..they were all interesting..esp the face of the little girl.

so what happens when a leech bites you? do you just brush it off? or do you have to pull it off? is it a difficult process?

i will answer your comment on music ..yes, u right..muisc is everywhere..and those were some really beuatiful examples you gave me. :)

Anonymous said...

sorry about the spellings..i misplace the letters when im typing fast.

Anonymous said...

Nice observation and of course no need to add black & white effect rocks..
As for why I guess it was just an unthought action and by the the time they wld have thought of correcting it it wld have been pretty late (wld have lead to rocking the boat)..Guess most of us do in this our daily lives..Going thoughtlessly abt half our actions..

Anonymous said...

Hi Rauf!
Have a wonderful time enjoying whatever is fun to you, this Christmas.

Rauf said...

Thank you Gangadhar, I have seen a lot of abuse in my life, in my own house as child. I did not let it continue when I grew up.

There is another angle here in the picture. The man is so confident of his wife's abilities that he is sure of his wife and the baby's safety. He doesn't have such confidence in himself, so he sits down.

For me the scene in the picture is ugly and it made me very angry. The man should've had better sense. Looks like this is a daily occurance.

Rauf said...

My Dear Friends
I apologise again for the delay in responding to your comments. Had no internet connection all these days. Things move slow in India even after globalisation.

I went to Bangalore for Suresh's (WILDPIC) photo exhibition. It had terrific reception and was a great success. My friends were delighted to see the pictures. From there I visited a couple of villages in Karnataka, met farmers, met pelicans in a small remote village of Kokkarabellur. Now I am back and I'll respond to each comment very carefully.

Thank you so much for your contribution. It means a lot to me.
Merry Christmas.

Rauf said...

Hi Mystic Rose
I apologise for my late response.
Your view is important to me and to the other readers. A different perspective is always helpful in opening the windows of our minds.
All of us having the same view would be a disaster for any debate specially to the blog world.

We all agree that this is no way to treat a lady, let her be wife daughter mother or sister. I see a bit of arrogance in the husband, looks pretty indifferent. At the same time I am happy to see the wife's confidence. She looks pretty determined. You are right about the awkward situation and the anxiety factor. The husband can move facing the opposite side without rocking the boat and sit on the vacant seat to allow his wife to sit where he is sitting now.

Leeches are pretty common in a tropical rain forests of south India. Not harmful at all. You just tap it off at an angle. Pulling it hurts as its hook like teeth are firmly fixed on the skin.
I used to carry little salt. Apply salt at its mouth the leech falls off but the salt hurts. I stopped using salt once I learnt how to tap it off with your thumb and forefinger like you hit a striker in carrom board but you have to do it at a right angle. Tribals chew tobacco, they apply tobacco at the mouth, the leech falls off.

Rauf said...

Hi Caroline,
Here in india the wife does not have much courage to argue with the husband. Let me explain. say a wife is a strict vegetarian, still she cooks meat or fish for her husband, may be out of love or fear. be it a love marriage or an arranged one, things change. I always protest why it is always the wife who has to change.

Merry christmas to you and the family Caroline. Tyler must be happy, first Christmas for Dylan.
Wish you all the joy in the world with health and lots of money.

I apologise for my late response Caroline.
Enjoy the holidays.

Rauf said...

Dear Ruth, quite true
My cousins's husband is a very loving person and has given my cousin all the freedom in the world. He doesn't like her wearing a veil and chadar but she insists on wearing it.

I pour my frustrations here Ruth, so helpless I am. I get angry and upset when I see injustice. Some families don't invite me because I am a trouble maker. I've had bad experience too. We had a servant maid named Shakuntala, her husband used to come drunk and look for his wife and she used too sneak under my sister's bed. He used to literally kick her slap her. One day I called the cops. She was begging me not to call them. When the cops came she completely changed her story. she told them the her husband did not touch her she slipped and fell down and hurt her lip which was swollen. I just stood there looking like a fool.
I yelled at her. I was afraid that the cops will charge me for false reporting. They know better, they knew she was lying. they warned her husband and left. Next morning she happily reports for work wearing new clothes her husband bought her in appreciation of saving him from the cops. then she warns me not to come in between her and her husband and she said next time she will report that I assaulted her. Strange people. then my sister yelled at me for interfering. Felt like kicking myself.

No Ruth I have not heard of 'The Burning Bed' I would have gladly fought her case, my friends say I could make a good lawyer I get annoyed because I hate lawyers. But this was a good verdict, I love it.

Rauf said...

Dear Ruth, forgot to add, even if you don't write your name I know that it is your writing and they are your thoughts.

'Rauf ! its me Ruth!'
I smiled, i visualised that one day you and Don would come to India and visit me and I would be very old and my niece tells you ' no aunty he doesn't recognise people' and he can't see.
Actually my vision is getting worse. Both my sisters don't let me out in the dark. they still scream at me.

Thank you so much Ruth for your good wishes. It means a lot to me.

Merry Christmas ! Enjoy the holidays.

Anonymous said...

thank you for the ineteresting explanation about the leeches..might come in useful some day :)

Rauf said...

Oweee my sweet Booey! Sorry for late response, you know what is happening in my life, its painful.

Its a global problem Booey ! not just in Asia. I'll tell you why it is an environmental problem too in my concluding post. This one is a curtain raiser.

I see Mala and Chinna, for me they are an ideal couple. They share responsibilities, there is lot of love and affection. Nirmal and Sindu are a delightful couple.
I watch Nirmal helping Sindu in the kitchen. Aamir and Salma are a loving and adorable couple. The world is full of understanding men but not enough. There are people like my father. I have seen domestic violence in my house as a child. You know the story. I had to defend my mom and sisters while I was still at school.I can't boast about myself too Booey. You have seen my laziness. I am so useless at home. My sisters have pampered me so much that they made me in to an intolerable brat. I can't even make a cup of tea and can't even heat a pot of water. I have never washed a piece of cloth in my life. I just sit and enjoy the wonderful food that my sisters cook. Its too late to learn now. As Ruth says women too are responsible for this kind of situation.

If I am with you in a boat, your attitude would be different booey ! I love to stand and take pictures. you would scream at the boat man "hey stop rowing, let this idiot sit first, he'll drown all of us"

Merry Christmas sweeet booey,
all my love
(( Hugs ))

Rauf said...

Hi Aamir,
a Street Scene in Kuwait before the Saddam invasion:

Men walk ahead, women walk ten feet behind them

Street Scene in Kuwait after the invasion.

Women walk ahead, men walk ten feet behind them.

That was not a great news for women's lib.
The reason was land mines.

That was a joke

I have a bad reputation Aamir for being a trouble maker. Some families are allergic to my presence on various grounds, you know the reasons Aamir. I see the educated men behave in an uncouth manner. Education hasn't really helped both men and women. As you rightly say, foundation is most important. Parents have to set an example. Some Mothers give undue attention to the sons ignoring the daughters. You know about the female infanticide


"Female infanticide in Tamil Nadu, South India, has recently received widespread attention within India and abroad. The paper contains reflections based on over a decade of fieldwork and study of this phenomenon, and information gathered from NG0s, activists and officials. It discusses the recent history of the practice of female infanticide, and the circumstances, which forced the state government in 1992 to acknowledge its existence. Activities to prevent female infanticide, such as the 'Girl Child Protection Scheme' and coercive actions against those committing female infanticide, by the state government and non-governmental organizations are critically reviewed. The unwantedness of girl children manifests itself not only in female infanticide, but also in selective abortion of female fetuses and neglect of girl children, leading to excess female child mortality. Prevention and eradication of female infanticide calls for sustained and long-term efforts to ameliorate the subordinate status of women. Under the circumstances, the tendency of several governments to deny, the phenomenon, remain silent about it, or engage in interventions which stand little chance of succeeding, is cause for concern"

Aamir unfortunately it is the mothers who don't want to conceive a daughter, most of the time forced by their mothers -in-law.
The study is pretty shocking. It is all over India,not just in Tamil Nadu.
Take care Aamir please give my love to Salma and Saira.

Rauf said...

Angeldust, there are just too many 'bride burning' cases in India. There have been a couple of movies too based on the subject.
The law has woken up just now. Many cases go unreported. There is law against domestic violence, but the abuse still continues mostly in rural areas.

The practice of 'Sati' (wife jumping in to the funeral pyre of her husband and burning herself dead) has been declared as social evil and abolished long time ago. Surprisingly when there were a couple of cases of 'sati'recently there was an amazing public support
The place where 'sati' took place is called 'sati sthal' was worshipped. Surprising fact was, even the cops knew about the young wife burnt along with her dead husband. The cops did nothing to stop it. This matter rocked the parliament for some time. Now it is forgotten. This is India.

Rauf said...

FOUR DINNERS Wish all dads and husbands are like you. There aren't many. Hope Jax gets well soon and bounces back. Things are no going well for me of late.
Sorry for my late response FOUR DINNERS.

Rauf said...

Laila, yes, the wife, the mother is not given choices. They just obey. Even now in Asian and Islamic world treatment of women is pathetic, though there is equality on paper but rarely followed.

Yes there is more in the scene. Wife looks defiant. Perhaps the husband asked her to sit, but where ? Husband should have managed the situation.

The boatman is God. He souldn't have allowed the situation in the first place and refuse to row the boat. There are clear guidelines in every religion, all favouring domination of males because those guidelines are written by men.

Rauf said...

Thank you Nasra.
Though Islam gives equal status to women but the condition of women in Islamic world is pretty bad.
There will be more in my concluding post on environment.

Rauf said...

Bobbie, yes Numerous possibilities.
The scene is ugly in my opinion. The picture looks peaceful but there's hardly any peace there. Joy and happiness is absent. They are all well dressed to visit some place. Perhaps there was a fight before leaving the house as it normally happens. And this is not just a river crossing. It is perhaps more than a couple of kilometers ride.
Sorry for my late response Bobbie.

Rauf said...

Hi Kathy.
They are not happy. There is tension in the boat. Poor management. Wife, the mother has priorities. She chooses to stand to maintain the balance.
lots of love and hugs Kathy.

Rauf said...

Thank you Yoneb, I needed a bit of humour very badly. Good observation and a good theory.
Perhaps that is what the husband mumbled at me. Perhaps he said 'get lost' His expression wasn't friendly when he uttered some words which I did not hear as I was in a noisy motorboat.

I sincerely apologise for my late response Yoneb.

Rauf said...

No Edith, eduacation hasn't really helped. I saw that in my own house.
Even the educated are clinging to the old ideas.
Inequality exists in all cultures.
What you say about 'number one' in public surroundings is true. I am not asking for any one's domination. I'll tell you more on this subject in my concluding post on environment and why this issue has anything to do with environment. I get upset when I see injustice while traveling. When i protest, it is the women who tell me to shut up and mind my own business. This perhaps is to earn some peace at home. Sometimes the other passengers support me. In such cases I am sure the husband would abuse the wife on reaching home. Some times I don't know what to do.

I apologise for my late response Edith.

Rauf said...

Sangita, this is an everyday occurance in both educated and uneducated families. I have seen it happening in my own house, My father, and the husbands of my two sisters (two of them no more, my father and one b-i-l0 were pretty nervous about my presence. I did not allow such injustice to happen when I grew up. I was afraid I would do the same to my wife. So never married. I have been a pain to my mom and sisters as well. Mom too is no more. they all hate my attitude and interference in their lives. I have been a very unpopular person, a big mouth and never learnt when to shut up.

i apologise for my late response Sangita

Rauf said...

Thank you Krystyna
Sorry for my late response

Nirmal Ranganathan said...

Makes PERFECT SENSE, Rauf...

Your reading of the situation while it was happening and your subsequent post mortem of it...


Nirmal Ranganathan

monsoon-dreams said...

they were going for a wedding and she didnt want to spoil her saree.since the smaller child is attached to mother,she chose to carry her/him too.thats it :-)
and the centre of the boat is the most stable place.dont worry about the expression on the hubby's face.all mallus r like that.they smile only when with friends in a toddy shop.rest of the time they will be deep in discussions about what is happening in poland,how arrogant george bush is...etc etc.have u seen a smiling mallu,raufeeda?,i mean ,a smiling married mallu :-)