30 October 2007


Your dad's brother is your uncle
Your mom's brother is your uncle
Your dad's sister is your aunt
your mom's sister is your aunt too

And you have the in laws.

we indians are very specific.

Any ways, if you marry an Indian, you don't marry one person.
500 people invade your life along with your wife.
So we have to be vary specific who they are and what they are
and how they are related to you
and you have to make all those 500 people happy
by remembering their names.
You have to remember tha names of their cats and dogs too.
odderwise your wife would be very angry wid you
and you would always get charred breakfast
black black things
which are not very tasty to eat, besides making your tumm revolt.

ok let me make an attempt in explaining each relation.

your father in law is your SASUR with respect SASUR JI
Your father in law is generally a local goon of his area
so SASUR or SASURAA is genrally a derogatory word.
you find yourself saying SASURA taxi driver cheated me.
your wife is not happy to hear that. you get black black dinner dat night.

Your mother in law is SAAS, or with respect SAASU JI
no comments, the world knows about mothers in law
But very surprisingly the word SAAS is not used in any derogatory terms.

SASURAAL is the house of your in laws.
When a criminal is arrested he goes to jail.
we say the convicted man is going to his SASURAAL
So when you go to your in laws you go to jail.
SASURAAL, the house of your in laws, is a derogatory term.

oh its so long and complicated, why i started this i wonder.
now you know why i am not married.

Your dad's younger brother is CHAACHA, his wife CHAACHI
Your Dad's older brother is TAAU, don know what his wifeee is called.
i used to call my dad's older brother's wife TAYIIMAA. Sweet thing she was gave me good things to eat always, ignoring her own army of children.

My Dad and all his brothers were JERKS of the first order. All of them were rough on their wives, including my own dad. I had problems with them. Actually they had problems with me.
For some strange reason i was the favourite of all my cousins though i looked like a gorilla and the poorest of them all, absolutely no money in my pocket at any given time. they were scared of my freedom.
i am a loud mouth. i always got the best things to eat.

Your brother is BHAAI, he is ok

but your brother's wife is your BHAABI.
next to your mom, your BHAABI is the most respectable term.
you fold your hands always and bow with respect.
you always take your complaints to your BHAABI, she is the one always sorting things out. And you do everything to win the favour of your BHAABI. and You always look to your BHAABI to defend you when you fight with your brother.

When you address a stranger, you either address her as BEHENJI (sister) or BHAABIJI. And you never address her as SAALI (your wife's sister) - you are in for trouble, i'll get to that later.

So brother's wife BHAABI is like your own mother.

your mom's sister is KHAALA her husband KHALAYEE
in some states mom's sister is MAUSI but don't know what her husband is called

Your mom's brother is Maama, maamaji, maamoo,Your favourite always. his wife is maami

your Dad's sister is BUAA or BUAJI, not your favourite because she hates your mom.
and she always pours oil on fire. Some call her PHUPPOO, her Husband PHUPPA

who else ?
Ah cousins
oh dear.

All cousins are your brothers and sisters. Now you have to be very specific.
BHAAI is Brother and BEHEN is your sister.

Here is the list of the first cousins and i will never make an attempt to explain 2nd or third cousins.

your mom's sister's son is KHALERA BHAAI, his sister KHALERI BEHEN
your mom's brother's son is MAMERA BHAAI and his sister MAMERI BEHEN
Your Dad's older brother's son is TAAYERA BHAAI, his sister TAYERI BEHEN
Your dad's younger brother's son is CHECHERA BHAAI, his sister CHECHERI BEHEN
i think i am missing something here.

your wife's sister is your SAALI., not a derogatory term, but used mostly in frustrations. you have an eye on her and she gives you the boot is a case in general.
you are enjoying a movie, you watch a glamorous star and say SAALI she is sexy.
SAALI has a touch of affection too.

Lets get in to some rough weather. Humongous problems.

your sister's husband is BEHENVI. What is his wife called ?
oh no she is your own sister, i am so dumb.
Your sister's husband BEHENVI is something to be avoided at all cost. This word BEHENVI is twisted as BHAOONI in many areas. HE is a bloody pain. Demands to be treated like god. He thinks he is god.

Son in law is DAMAAD.

let's view from his Angle.

His wife's sister is SAALI, you know that now,

His wife's brother is SAALA, the most derogatory term in hindi or Urdu language.
Wife's brother a SAALA, is a thief.
a SAALA comes to your house only to steal something from you, like borrowing money.
Now you come home angry and tell your wife that some SAALA pick pocket stole your wallet.
you are going to get black black lunch.
your wife does not like her poor innocent brother refered as a pick pocket or a thief.

You say SAALA Chief minister, SAALA politician. SAALA loan shark
all the thugs and goons are your wife's brothers. SAALAS
Now lets flip the coin.

Your SAALA is a MAAMA to your children. Most loving and most favourite person in their lives. Brother's love their sister's children. and children love their MAAMA to bits. its universal.

Kids simply adore their mummy's brother.

Both my brothers in law (MY BEHENVIS, Sister's husbands) hated me and detested the very sight of me and i hated them back very passionately.

Its true that i have been a big pain to them. without me their lives would have been much smoother. I was their only SAALA. A darling of my sisters, who kept feeding me, giving me money and made me an intolerable brat. i adore my nephew and niece.
they are my life.

11 October 2007


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Out of hundred, five would fall for this, they would sincerely believe that this is holy water. .
You can't sue this guy. He would say water is precious, any water is holy water.

i bought a bottle of holy water for myself, took a swig from the bottle to see if i become a saint.
i immediately committed a murder. Killed a mosquito sitting on my arm.
i should have advised him to meditate and be good and enlightened mosquito, please go away.

i was deceived. i was taken for a ride. i did not become a saint.
It is not written anywhere that drinkers of this water would become saints.

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In a country of one billion, 5 out of hundred buying holy water is good marketing and good money.
Just imagine its success in a country like United States where 90 out of 100 would fall for it.
They wouldn't ?
They would
i have reasons.

One of the silliest and the most stupid sport now being played is American football, which no other country plays, not even their immediate neighbours the Canadians and the Mexicans.

Why a stupid sport is so passionately followed in the US ?


People eat it.

If this sport is not as silly and not as stupid as i say, why it is not played anywhere else in the world ?

No other sport generates the kind of money that American football does, where players are owned, bought and sold like cattle for millions and millions of dollars.
i will not be surprised if they are auctioned too.

If this sport can generate millions of dollars why other countries are not playing it ?

you have to stop and think.

Is anything seriously wrong with the Americans ?


They fall for marketing gimmicks.

They'll eat anything if it is well maketed from unhealthy food to toys.

No..... their government is fine... very fine, their President is fine too, what if he is a liar ?

No politician in the world speaks the truth.

We have professional liars in my country, you can't catch them.
But the American Presidents get caught, poor chaps.
They are liars but not smart liars.

Gone like a memory from the day before the fires.
People hungry for the voice of God Hear lunatics and liars
.................................................................................... Paul Simon.

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you can sell an American anything. They are the most gullible people in the world.
Most kind and compassionate, though their kindness and compassion is often grossly misplaced.

At the other extreme, they are most hard working industrious
and most enterprising people in the world, took their country to great heights.

Good or bad is debatable.

But the first people to take advantage of their gullibility is their own government.

They have been fed with lies all along in recent history.
A pack of lies was cooked up for unprovoked Vietnam war and Americans ate it and supported it.

When brutality and casualties went high and When things became too hot, they woke up and opposed it.
Did they learn anything ?
They fell for fresh marketing of fresh lies.

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Present marketers are smart, they wanted fast money. SPEED, instant destruction.
Things happened very fast.
They didn't have to assasinate an unwilling President this time.

They had no ground, rhyme or reason to attack Vietnam

They learnt from past mistakes.
A situation, reasons for war were created fast.
Sympathy was created and marketed.
People ate it.
The spineless media supported it again.
The opposition was negligible.
The other smart move was to twist the arms of other countries to join them.

But unfortunately they miscalculated , completely misjudged the outcome.
They thought the war would be over in a month.
Fast money, all bombs used, defence contractors happy, control oil, pull out.
Things went horribly wrong.

Very surprisingly, The greatest but not the smartest liar in American history was re-elected.
This is not the first time.
Remember the chap who said 'i am no crook' ?
He was re-elected too before he was impeached.

This can happen only in America. the present man was re-elected with good majority than the last, due to very effective marketing of a fresh pack lies.
Americans ate it again.

Only if the media had half an inch of spine, they could have stopped the war.
But they had to sell.
War is money for them too.

Our Netas would have planted WMD in Iraq before the invasion.
But the American President is not that smart.

Repetition of blunders. Same situation as Vietnam. Things are hot. Casualties high.
Now they have to get out.

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The governmet and those who marketed the war badly needed the media and people to speak against the war so that they can pull out like they did in Vietnam
and make the 'KIND AND COMPASSIONATE' people happy untill they create situation for another war when the sky is clear.

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The first Anti Vietnam war demonstrations were organised by the government itself.

And the Americans are very gladly obliging them now, speaking against the war, openly.


Big thunderous applause from all over the world,

And the Americans are happy and proud of their country again
Dixie chick Natalie Maine would be happy
Geroge Clooney would be happy
Neil Young would be happy.
All sins washed away.
Americans are sold again.
The truth is, Democracy in the US is a farce, it never woked.

The opposition to war also is marketed. The media, people, celebrities are unsuspecting victims of the fresh reverse marketing.

i will not be surprised if some celebrities are paid to speak against the war.

The promotors of war are smiling over the blood of the innocent.

Blood ? What blood ?

Blood of the Asians has no value
Blood of their own countrymen has no value.

They have made their money.

6 October 2007


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This is Vinayaka, the elephant god, Man with an elephant face, or elephant with a man's body. He has many names, most popular name is Ganesh. Business people love him. Shops and business establishments love to keep the idol or a framed picture in the office, He brings money and every Indian artist loves to paint Vinayaka, he is the artist's favourite too.

Please check AAARTI's blog for details.

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i missed last year, nearly missed this ear too. I love festivals, though i don't follow any faith, i love to participate and i get some goodies to eat, from neighbours and friends. Vinayaka or Ganesh Chaturti was celeberated last month. Colourful festivals make our life interesting. Nice to see people celeberating Christmas Eid, Diwali, wearing new clothes enjoying themselves.

Life would be so dull without festivities like the good old Soviet Russia, May day was the only celeberation.
And you had to sit infront of the TV watch the mayday parade and force a smile on your face.

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Besides, people make a living out of the festivals. They generate business. Buying new clothes. shopping, presents, decorations.

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These poor potters are making Vinayaka idols, which would be dried and painted and sold on the roads. you are not supposed to use the same idol next year. You have to buy a new one. This helps these potters.

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Vinayaga has some accessories, like an umbrella, sold seperately.

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Myths and beliefs should remain myths and beliefs. But people go beyond this and try to prove and establish that these elephant gods or gods with many hands and heads really existed.

Like believing the superman spiderman.

We grow out of believing in Santa Claus. But people don't seem to grow out of these myths. People go for confessions in the Churches, or take a dip in a holy river to write off their sins. They sincerely believe that they are coming out clean and all their sins are erased in the hard disk and from the recycle bin.

There is nothing beyond our minds.

Its just a feeling of purification.

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A godess with four hands, is any woman's fantasy.

Would you marry a woman with four hands knowing karate' ?

i'll keep my mouth shut always.

i'll make a rough draft before answering any question.

Would you like to have some tea ? My wife asks me holding, tea, sugar milk and water in her four hands

i have to be very careful in answering.

You can't say no.

one wrong move, all her four hands would go into my mouth. And a thorough shake,
tea is ready in my stomach. DOOINK !!!

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I was in a village near Salem, this was a sweet experience for me, i started clicking and the priests were pretty excited and they offered us the Prasadam, a bowl of SUNDAL, what is sundal ask Aaarti. yumms. Karthik and i ate it right there on the road. Very sweet of them. You can take pictures anywhere any place in India, no objections. They are too pleased to pose. i love it here.

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The idols after pooja are immersed in the river or the sea, causing pollution. Very depressing. The government has slapped a ban on it, but not very effective. Very hard enforce laws on religious practices. Hope people would understand one day.

please read Nasra's interview of Mystic Rose, you would love it.