SUICIDE

It was getting cold, delayed wearing something warm by 15 minutes and i started sneezing
That was a big mistake, led to a bigger trouble, have fever now and i have to travel tonight.
Again

We were having tea, me, Sujith, Suresh, Suresh yes two Sureshes, Ramesh and Nishant, wildreness around us in Kothagiri.
i was sneezing like mad. Thats when Sujith dropped a bomb on me

'LOLA KUTTY IS GETTING MARRIED' he said
WHAT ??
what a loss !
i felt like comitting suicide right there.
What a name. Lola Kutty Wow !
As usual i was scratching my yeddu sneezing non stop.
i was afraid to ask, but i asked

Who is this LOLA KUTTY Sujith ?

WHAT ? YOU DON'T KNOW WHO LOLA KUTTY IS ??

EEEEEEEEEEE i was scratching my yeddu again

i did not even know if Lola kutty was a man or a woman

You can't say, things are so weird these days
Brad Pitt's younger brother could be LOLA Pitt, no surprises there.


No surprises when you hear the names of Celebrity kids like
Sage Moonblood ( daughter of Sylvester Stallone )
or Moon Unit ( daughter of Frank Zappa )
or Fire ( son of rock guitarist Steve Vai )
or Fifi Trixabelle and Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa ( daughters of Bob Geldof )
how about this name ? Camera ( daughter of Arthur Ashe )
i don't believe this, you won't believe it either,
I. P. Freely ( son of David Carradine )
I.P Freely ?? oh dear ! poor kid ! He'll sue his parents when he grows up.

So Lola Kutty is no big surprise
But who is Lola Kutty ?

i was still scratching my yeddu and sneezing feeling sorry for my ignorance.
oh ! she is a Channel V presenter said Sujith
Channel V is like MTV and
i don't watch TV, what a sin !
Channel V ?

oh ! i said and stopped scratching my yeddu
i always say oh !
girls normally say hmmmmm.....
So this Lola kutty is getting married and i was sad.

Next evening, after a trek thru the forest
Hitched a ride on a truck reached Mettupalayam station with Sujith, boarded the train with a burning desire to see what this Lola kutty looks like

First thing i did on reaching home early in the morning was to google Lola Kutty
i was not disappointed
here is Lola kutty for you

This is not what i wanted to write i am sorry, writing a post is an ordeal, reading it is an ordeal for you toos, until i write my next post on Rajasthan i thought i post this in between.

My friend said if there is a mole on your foot you would keep traveling always, she has one.

i immediately removed my shoe to check

there it was, a big mole on my left foot.

i'll be back in a week's time

all my love

MACHO MACHO JEWELRY

DON'T
MESS WITH MEE
no no, i won't i won't... promise
oh deah ! i can't mess with this guy
tough looking
big ear rings
Oooo !




He is a cowherd
Hellow !
Thank you sir
have a good time with your cows
oh nunnoo ! no NOOOO, NOOOOOOOOOOO
oh deah ! No sir, no sir, i am sorry i am sorry
i mean have a good time with your family
hmmmmmmmmm......




GAAAAD ! you gave me a head and a skull but forgot to put something in there
oh this is sweet ! and he is smiling toos !!



This is Kutch, far end of India to my west in the state of Gujrat where Gandhiji came from
Remove the turban and give him round spectacles, you have a Gandhiji there.
He is a shepherd, they all wear Jewelry. Long before it became fashionable for men. i think Gandhiji's ears were pierced too. not sure, have to check.







This is his family, its a macho thing, big turban moustache and ear rings, other jewelry





He has problem with his eyes, i didn't notice while taking pictures, i am half blind anyway, i don't notice things. They are poor people, Even very poor are obsessed with gold in India.



Does he go to school ?
No
i used to feel sad about it, but not anymore, i had a useless education, this boy is learning how to survive in the desert and i can't. Geometry, world war one, world war 2 are so useless. But we repeat our blunders, whats the point in learning our history ?





Another shepherd, he is wearing tiny ear rings.
What do we have here ?



thats me, Never wore any jewelry, wrist watch that i wore 40 years ago was just an instrument
i don't wear it any more, i always look up and know the time
that's how i missed many trains.
gorillas don't wear Jewelry, so i tried a turban,
gorillas don't wear turbans ?
What would i do with Jewelry ?
useless, i can't even eat them when i am hungry
How about hanging a couple of carrots down my ears, i can always pluck and eat them when i am hungry, a bunch of grapes the next day ?
Like always i am sitting by the road side and eating hot jilebees. Sweet they are.



What do we have here ?
OOOO
He is making PAAN for us.
Well, what IS paan ?
Aaarti can tell you, i know what it is but can't explain, she writes beautifully
Aaartidee yenge' dee Nee ? please explain.

oh ! look at the stuff he is wearing ! wow !
smile please
he's a bit shy of his possessions
aaah ! aaaaaah !



deah o deeeah ! This is fantastic !
why are you shy about it ?
i have seen those golden teeth in my childhood, none in my family, we never had gold, we just ate all the money, This is fantastic Wow
You look like a movie star sir !

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA !





You can't afford to smile on the streets of Bombay or my City of Chennai
You can get mugged.



Yea yea ! they pulled the wrong tooth in a hurry !
no no that, is my mischief, i painted the tooth in photopaint.

IF THE WORLD COULD VOTE

There is so much of painful interference, arm twisting and bullying from the US government all over the world, i think rest of the world has the right to choose who becomes the next US president. The results so far are amazing. i picked it up from Claudia's blog. PLEASE VOTE HERE And Check the result

WHERE IS THE CHURCH NINA ??

i could barely walk, the wind was pushing me back.
And it was raining, though not very hard. Very early in the morning and the light started fading
it was kind of getting dark and chilly and i had no warm clothing on, i was shivering, barely able to stand. The wind was making loud noise, it was blowing so hard, made no effort to protect myself.
No it is not a defeat. i was just unwilling to fight the forces of nature
i just longed to be dissolved and consumed. i stood there, dripping wet and taking pictures.
i looked up, receiving the first drops of rain on my body, on my face,
A big drop of rain splashed on my spects suddenly waking me up.
i had to look for a Church

My friend Sherjee walked ahead, i am such an irritating company, i stop everywhere to take pictures. He was nowhere to be seen,

i was alone. Sherjee too did not know where the Church was. Perhaps he went ahead to look for it. No one in sight, this was not a total wilderness, we had crossed a tribal settlement a while ago.







Surprise surprise !
i was invited to attend a Sunday mass at this Church
i was decently dressed, not in my usual rags. Thanks to my sister,
new pair of shoes too, all wet now,

i stopped three ladies, perhaps tribals, not sure, each had an umbrella and they all were struggling to hold it upright.
if you take a video of these girls managing their umbrellas it would make a good break dance video. The wind was playing a havoc on them,

EEEEEE Palli yavde' ?? ... i asked ( Where is the Church ? )
Palli is Church in Malayalam, a mosque also is called Palli.

Palli yavde' ? (Where is the Church ?) i asked again, had to shout through the umbrella, her umbrella was going everywhere but she was managing it well, i would have let the umbrella fly. i have done it.

One girl pointed somewhere up in the sky 'atho' she said lifting her umbrella a bit, i could see her face now.

They were not wearing any warm clothes,
where ? yavde' i asked


'atho' she pointed again in the same direction

i don't see a thing, all i could see was white all around, just mist everywhere.


'onnum kanaanilla' i said ( i can't see a thing )

one girl was blushing the other two were giggling. These girls don't need a reason to laugh.
me standing there in rain all wet without an umbrella was a funny sight for them

they spoke in fast malayalam which i couldn't understand
all three of them broke into a loud giggle
ah haaa ! giggling to glory, ok laugh at me. At least i provided some entertainment to these poor ladies.

One chap crossed us, i think he said ' follow me'
i did not follow him, i wanted to take his picture, he too was struggling with his umbrella.

i started walking in that direction, it wasn't very steep but i was panting for breath
have to cut down my smoking.
i wanted to sit somewhere have kattan kaapee and smoke, but not in a Church.
But where is the Church ?
The man who said follow me disappeared in the mist.

oh dear ! its so beautiful. i saw a beauty emerging out of the mist.
i stood there stunned.

i could see the whole Church now as i went closer, still covered in mist, white Church white mist, invisible from a distance.

This was a beauty. Not the greatest, but it was majestic. Small Church. It may not look the same if i go in a different season.

i saw my friend Sherjee coming down looking for me.

This is not the way to enter a Church, dripping wet, i was the only lunatic there, without an umbrella

i was hoping brother Jijo would be inside. This is Brother Jijo, one of the sweetest priests i know, Very simple, very unlike other priests. Look at the innocence on his face. Out of respect, i never call him by his name, though he is years younger to me. i call him Chemmaccha. Chemmacchan is half Acchan ? Acchan is a father in Malayalam, no he can't be half father.
soon to be a father ? no, that is ridiculous. a Deacon perhaps. Junior priest.

The mass had already begun,
There he is, Chemmacchan, Brother Jijo, on the mic. Singing the hymns.









The mass, the rituals are full of drama, i don't know why they need such a dramatic display of rituals. i nearly dropped my camera in a Buddhist temple when the gong went off DHOiiiiNNNNGGGGG !
That completely rattled all my nuts and bolts. i think they do it to keep people awake ???
i couldn't afford to doze off, they were all looking at me including the Tirmeni, the Bishop.













It was misty inside as well, but i was not shivering with cold any more. You can see they all sitting on the floor, most of them tribals, In all the Kerala Churches men and women are segregated. The whole thing, the mass, takes two hours. stand up, sit down, stand up sit down, i was following what others were doing. But i was not singing along.






Listen to the sermon boys, don't look at me.
i already knew the Tirmeni, He had come from Kozhikode. Today was a special mass, i forgot what it was. A Bishop is called Tirmeni in Malayalam. He had invited me the previous day. No arguements nothing, i behaved well, i kept my mouth shut. Everything went off well.
i never kick up the dirt. Others poke me and i react.





Women always cover their heads


This happened to me in a Church a couple of times.

' this is my friend rauf and he tussant beeleev in Goad'
sub titles : this is my friend rauf and he doesn't believe in God'

i get furious, why bring it up in an introduction ? Its the tone which i don't like
its like saying This is my friend rauf and he is mentally retarded. There is an immediate look of sympathy and pity, and i drop my jaw and look like a certified looney, gaping at them.
i don't have to act, i look like a retard.




If he doesn't believe in God, what is he doing in a Church ?
kick him out
No one, no one says that. They never get angry, They just pull me and give me a bear hug, cracking my ribs
yes they eat very well. i receive their warmth.
They treat me with respect, and i avoid arguing, The priest puts his arm on my shoulder, very clever actually, bikkaas i have a reputation for asking some very nasty questions.
We will pray for you raufji, You are lost now and Goad will show you the way.
i look up and down, try my best to look completely lost
i smile and say thank you





This is Tirmeni the Bishop.
Why do you have to dress up like Michel Jackson ? , i asked my friend Mathew Acchan, another very sweet loving caring priest, he is in Bangalore Church, always smiling, my best friend Cherian's brother.
He just smiles. They all wear and i have to follow them.
The white cassok they wear is called a kuppayam.
Badly wanted to have kattan kaapee
this is kattan kaapee i talk about always







sat here with the tribals and smoked, they all sit around me and watch me smoke.

This is on our way back and here is my friend Sherjee, my clothes were still wet. i was in no hurry to change, the rain never makes me sick.

THE SAINTS

I'm driven with a mission from God. God would tell me, "George, go and fight those terrorists in Afghanistan." And I did, and then God would tell me, "George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq …" And I did.
So said Saint George Bush the son.

i don't eat saints, they don't taste good even with pickle and chutney. yuk !
i hate saints.

So, God told St.Bush to invade Iraq.

He could be lying like he's been lying on various other issues.
What if he is telling the truth ?
That he did receive the Divine Revelation from God
He can't be lying all the time, he lied because the people behind him made him tell all those lies.
poor chap
No one told him to shut up, they just let him make a fool of himself. Thats what they wanted.
What they didn't tell him was that his Divine Revelation is actually a phenomenon called TLE
Temporal lobe epilepsy.
and
and
and
if he was telling the truth, you had a president for eight long years who was not mentally very sound.

Now the mindologists, brainologists, headologists and nuttologists are digging up all the Divine Revelations people recieved so far in history. Few books have been written on the subject. Please check.

People were indeed telling the truth about those Revelations.
None was lying about them.
It was a true experience, Feeling of Aura, blinding flash, some get incence smells too. Brain plays such tricks on us. There are thousands of different kinds of epilepsy, seizures, very few reported and studied. scientists are doing it now.
Neurotheology it is called. New subject.

For me the most interesting case is St.Teresa of Avila.(1515-1582) please see Bernini's masterpiece Ecstasy of St.Teresa.

act one scene one
She claims she was having an affair with God,

act one scene two
she claims God was having an affair with her..,
You will not find these exact words.
means the same.

act four scene four
tragic end
after two years God dumps her.
in other words she stopped having seizures
Same thing, a case of Temporal lobe epilepsy

Now Turlington would be furious, how could God ignore me and have an affair with some one else ??


Soon we'll be having elections in India.
Except for the Indians, no one is really interested.
Where as, entire world is focussed on the result of Elections in the US for obvious reasons.
All are affected.
i am one of them.
The US government is not known to mind its own business like the other countries do.
As an outsider What do i expect ?
i would rather have a US president who is a liar or a crook or a casanova, but not a saint who receives Divine Revelations directly from God every night.
oh DEEAH ! thats scary.

BURST OF JOY

i needed her so badly
i am happy, i made her smile.
She gave me her best. she made me smile.
We need each other so much and such moments are so precious that we wish they last for ever.
We can't be happy alone, unless we share our joy.
byeee sweeet, she was on a boat on the sacred river Ganges.

I AM FAMOUS

i am one of them
i mean i am there in the crowd
no, no i am not in the pikcha
bikkus i am taking the pikcha
how can i be in the pikcha when i am taking the pikcha ?
That is not all of dem, its just part of the crowd
massive it was, MASSIVE
wow!!

WHAT is he trying to do ? climbing on his friend's head ?

you can see him here, the blue shirt.

oh i forgot to tell you.
This is a festival
i can see that ! you say, you are smiling , such a massive crowd gathered, so many elephants too, decorated. This has to be a festival.
what this is all about ?
i don't know
honestly
i don't know whats going on
believe me.
This always happens to me. i am there in a crowd and i don't even know what is happening.
This festival is called Thrissur Pooram. Mid April every year.
Please google 'Thrissur Pooram' and check, or my readers from Kerala will tell you in comments.
You don't know how lazy i can get. Any way i am not talking about the festival, just pictures.
Pooram is the festival, Thrissur is name of a town in Kerala, South India. Clean beautiful town, Old name Trichur.















And what do we have here ?
Hellew !

Such a nice chap, presenting this festival to the world....... live
the thing on the mic says Jai Hind TV,
never heard of it.

Nice boy isn't he ? doing a goood job
very sweet, so sweet that i'd like to eat him
not raw
eating them raw is not civilised

TV anchor people taste better deep fried with chili garlic sause

Any way, here is a nice boy, presenting this festival live on his TV to the world
doing a good job, speaking in chaste, fluent poetic Malayalam,
things are going fine for him
and suddenly
and suddenly
out of nowhere
a dreadful looking hairy gorilla pops right up his face and starts clicking his pictures.

WHAT ???

Just imagine the poor chap's shock

eyes go wide, his jaw dropped.........he forgot his lines
eee, aah ! intha, yantha, errrr, he dropped his mic in utter frustration

and i say Hello and show all of my two and a half teeth and smile
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
And this chap, even in a state of shock till the tip of his hair, still manages to smile
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and says Hi

How nice ! How sweet ! ......... i decided not to eat him
He was not angry. He was looking over my shoulder.

hmmm... what ?
i turned my coconut and saw a couple of guys frantically waving their arms

owee ? are they drowning in the air ?
They were the camera crew
still waving their arms in frenzy,
drowning ?? trying to speak but they can't.
its like in your dream you want to shout and the voice doesn't come out
i turned my coconut back to our friend

what ?

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
i showed my stupid teeth again

poor chap was sort of confused.
he touched his head with his finger and pointed towards my coconut.
oh
aaaah !
Your head ? My head ??
you mean my head ?

What my head ?
i turned my coconut back and forth, to the camera crew and our friend
am i ?
am i blocking your camera ?
like a damned fool i am still standing there

is my head blocking your camera ?

eee ahh..... athey ! (yes in Malayalam) very hesitant, confused and very polite.
oh, oh i am sorrry, oh ! oh ! i am sorrrry

then i realised the back of my coconut was splashed to the viewers
oh i am famous ? i should expect some fan mail then.

pleased with my performance, i showed my teeth to the camera.
i said byee
and the poor chap smiles and says byee
oh how sweet !
They didn't bash me up for interrupting their show.
i deserved some good hammering.
He was so polite, the entire crew was so exceedingly polite

oh dear ! what's wrong with me ?
i didn't eat him, here is the proof. Do you see him there ?
please see the arrow
there he is !
He was back on his job, after a bit of shock treatment




















So i had to go and sit somewhere and think
why am i so dumb ?
When God was giving away intelligence and wisdom to humans, i was sitting in some tea shop in pouring rain, some remote part of Kerala, sitting on the road side, soaked to the bone, sipping kattan kaapee (black coffee)
oh how i love it, kattan chaaya too (black tea) some times.
i missed the boat.
i saw happy smart people on the wisdom boat.
What would i do with intelligence and wisdom anyway ??
one more kattan kaapee please !











i sat here with these people, oh here is the chap packing masala peanuts for me. i just sat on the road side munching masala peanuts and had a kattan kaapee, no hurry, i had all the time in the world. The elephants will not fly away. They have no wings.
i did not see any wings. How can they fly away ?
Had kattan kaapee in peace.

She is happy, safe place for tourists, believe me, half the crowd is cops and TV crew. Lots of side attractions, music, food, a variety of things on display

This was magical, The drums are called Chenda, please correct me.

i could see him smiling,

performing for me ?

i bowed in appreciation. Thank you i said after clicking the picture.

But i was disturbed by scenes i didn't want to see.

it was magical for me, perhaps not for the elephants, who are hundred times more sensitive than humans.

Quite disturbing
Remove the elephants, the glamour is gone, there is no festival. Chains are for safety, not good, but subjecting them to deafeaning noise, is torture. This has to stop. There is evolution in other religious practices. Most of the gory practices are fast disappearing, for instance, in this Theyyam puja picture this is supposed to be real blood, now coloured water is splashed on the diety. Hope parading of elephants with deafeaning noise would disappear soon.

Oh ! he is selling the posters of this festival. i left a bit early, i didn't wait for the fireworks, even worse torture for the elephants. had a train to catch.