2 March 2009



Its not a good picture, Her face tells a story
It is not a happy story
i don't bow to anything, or any one. But i bow my head to a mother
i would touch their feet and then i would pick up a fight.
Her expression would be lot different had there been a boy child on her lap.
This lady can be happy if she wants, with a slight shift in attitude.


Motherhood is in their blood, it begins at an early age. Girls play with dolls, playing mother.
Motherhood is sacred, this is something everybody accepts. Do we ?
Not quite.



They take risks and they have the courage and they are emotionally very strong. But they make wrong choices. The attitude of the society is very sick
There are different societies at different levels. The poor class have their own society, the middle class and the upper have their own. They don't mix.
Class, what a tragedy !
The untouchables have their own, surprisingly higher and lower among themselves.
Higher or lower, any class, rich or poor, Hindu Muslim or Christian,
they all prefer a boy child.



There is some kind of a pride in mothers when they flaunt their boy child.
Silly actually, if you ask me. Lavish post delivery celebrations, birthdays and other religious rituals thanking gods for having given a boy child.

The trend in my immediate family goes in reverse. Boys get new clothes and some money and they disappear. Birthdays of girls are a big celebration, they make lot of noise, silly girls.


The wife is under enormous pressure until she brings a boy child in to the family.
If the she fails, the husband re marries, there have been many cases of murder, or suicide,
alone or they die with their daughters.



She is happy with her girl. And they are proud of the daughters. Many have the right attitude and treat the girl child as a blessing from gods. But not all.
The demand for a boy child mostly, mostly comes from women themselves.. They are obsessed with having a boy in the house. It comes from mothers whom i respect.


May God bless you with a son
Excuse me ? ..... Hellow ! WHATT ??
Somebody's arm touches my shoulder, rauf, lets go and eat, they pull me away
Sometimes i say God bless you with a daughter
uncomfortable Silence
or they all laugh
'hahaha rauf unkill, you said God bless you' 'seeee you believe in Gaad'
its just an expression you idiot, i tell the bride.



i know many happy families where all three children are girls, all with very understanding and loving dads who have kept their wives very happy and i know a couple of families where all five are girls, chaotic, throwing things at each other, tearing each other's books, but all happy moms and dads.
oh i loved the movie 'little women' five sisters, with Susan Sarandon as mom, Gorgeous Trini Alverado the oldest, Next was Winona Ryder, i always wanted to have a daughter like Winona. Then Samantha Mathis, Claire Danes and Kirsten Dunst plays the youngest.




Priorities change when there is a boy in the family. This is Vasini and her younger brother, i wrote about her, how adorable she was, in the Banaras post. Forgot the name of the boy.

i told the mom that you are treating your daughter badly. Your son is being unreasonable and you end up punishing Vasini for no fault of hers.

i didn't fight or shout like i normally do, i told her gently.

oh he is just a child she said

Vasini is a child too, why are you treating her like an adult and punishing her, you are being grossly unfair to her.
She was a sweet lady, 2 day journey and i am very clumsy and all my things were scattered and she was managing them putting my things in order besides giving me all the goodies she was carrying. Actually it was little Vasini who was playing my mother.


This kind of gender bias is commonly found here in India and little Vasini will grow up with inferority and sadness in her heart.

Gender bias and the demand for male child is so much that some take the extreme steps of female infanticide. No mother would like to kill her unborn child.
Mostly they are pushed by women themselves. Mothers in law in such cases. Sometimes by their own mothers as they want their married daughters to lead a peaceful life by bringing only male child to the family, the truth is, they don't want their daughter to come back. A married daughter back home is treated as burden. She ceases to exist, she is a living corpse.

Please read ABHI's stunning post on this subject, she gives staggering facts and figures about female infanticide.

Thank you Abhi, for all the pains you have taken in gathering the information in your passionately written post, which inspired me to write this one.
i hang my head in shame.



Though gender determination clinics are outlawed by the government, the practice has not stopped. When something is outlawed, its milk and honey for the officials and the cops. Like banning liquor in a state, people continue to drink, they know where to get liquor from and the officials and cops make money. Such clinics function under the blessings of highly placed officials and the cops.
You may not find sign boards like


It becomes an expensive affair to kill the unborn female child. Sadly, it the educated who take such shameful steps.
They are not ignorant people. They know where to go.
They do not know what they are missing.
They do not know what they are doing.
More than being a moral and social issue, this is an environmental disaster.




Imagine all these girls wiped out. What a disaster it would be. There are clinics who are helping such people. We have a hospital market here. Human organ market. You can buy anything. These doctors will not hesitate to do anything for money. They can steal your kidneys and they can steal your heart. i am not talking about dashing George Clooney, or Hugh Grant stealing your heart, i mean the doctors who steal your heart right out of your ribs and declare you dead.



We have ultra sonic labs nearly in every street, but disclosing the gender is made a punishable offence. There are loop holes everywhere and the subsequent procedure is easy but expensive.
Only middle class or upper class can afford it.




Thankfully, the poor class cannot afford it. They live with the pressure of having a girl child, Which leads to their self inflicted misery, like the woman in the first picture. The idea of a girl child bringing misery is pretty absurd, as they contribute in running of the household and they bring in money as well. It is the other women who make their life miserable, in some cases their husbands.



it is difficult to understand why a girl child is considered a burden. These women work themseves to death, there is no relief for them, girls normally share their burden.

Poor or rich, educated or ignorant, Hindus, Muslims or Christians, the very thought of the girl's marriage is a nightmare for them. i don't see any other reason for their misery and obsession for a boy child. They may hope that the boy would soon be an earning member of the family. This is pretty absurd as well.




Wedding of a girl is not always a happy occasion. By tradition girl's parents are the victims.
They can't sleep when the girl grows up, (they don't wait that long)
Fear of the girl falling in love with a boy of different community haunts them or with a boy of a lower caste. Boy is free to paint the town red but these misguided people think that it is always the girl who brings shame or dishonour to the family.



Huge expenses are involved in a wedding, demand for dowry, depending on the status of the boy, runs to staggering amounts, which the girl's father has to borrow and get in to an eternal debt. This is another social evil crippling the country. And not to mention the obsession for gold which is uniform in all Indian societies. So there is a fear of loss here.

Girl is a loss and boy is profit as he brings in the dowry.

In other words, they kill the girl for the fear of loss. This fear cannot be erased from their minds.





It just takes a little shift in attitude. A girl is a blessing. i am in a great mood the day my niece is at home. All they have to do is ignore what other people say. Never feel the pressure of bringing a boy child. Boy or a girl, they should be thankful for attaining sacred motherhood. And the bias is something they should get rid of. Change in attitude is simple. But they don't understand.
i am against the obsession for a boy child, i am not against boys.






Remember these little girls from Pochampalli, the cleanest village ? Class room in a temple ?
Educating the girl is one big issue. Poor class don't want to waste their money in educating girls.
They prefer to educate only boys. This is investment.
What will she do with a degree ? Let her learn to cook instead.
The tribals don't have such hang ups.




Tribal women are quite powerful and authoritative. They understand how to maintain the balance. They treat the girl child with equal importance. Their priests are pretty silly though. Big yerdake they are. Demand animal sacrifices and all. Idiots. Tribals have silly beliefs but they are all environmentally conscious. killing a girl child is an absurd idea for them.




We do not know what we are missing, we are still not aware of our loss.
Thankfully, thankfully, the poor people in Indian villages can't afford the procedure. You can imagine the disaster of having less women in the villages.

Except for tilling and other heavy work, 90% of farm work is done by women. They work themselves to death so that we could survive.






This is the beauty of the purest kind. Ruth loves this girl. i am posting her pictures for you Ruth.

You would have seen some of the pictures either in 'thank you farmers' or in 'The poison - Globalisation' posts.
i drag my friends to this village. i forgot her name. Last month i went with Sujith and Ramesh, i frantically went searching for her.
i couldn't find her.

Here she is helping her mother and grand mother.
Three generations here in this picture.
Just erase them in your mind and you can visualise the disaster we have on our hands.





ah ! end of the day she is so tired, dust on her face grain in her hair. i have no command over the language, i am not a poet. i would have loved to compose a poem on her.

It is impossible for me to imagine that these women cease to exist.
When they go, we all go.
We are chopping our own legs,
i think we are asking for our extinction.


oh what a joy and what a blessing she is, This is Priyanka, our future, our saviour.

India has been invaded repeatedly for our fertile lands, abundance of water and 365 days of sunshine. With all the atrocities on women, dowry deaths and female infanticide we still remain in dark ages
There is no light here.


Winnie the poohi said...

Ah Rauf! What you say is right all of it.. but the light is always there.. dont you see?

Despite everything every shortcoming.. Women are still progressing... I agree the progress is very slow.. but it is happening..

Winnie the poohi said...

Oh yeah.. and you bring the picture alive.. they are soo amazing!

Claudia said...

Such a devastating reality, Rauf! I can't begin to imagine the daily tragedies that take place because of such bias. The loss must be immense on all levels, personal, sociological, cultural, economical...

My girls are my pride and joy. I hope they'll grow up wanting to make the world a better place and that they won't become bitter with all the discrimination women still have to put up with nowadays. I come from a country where men are still regarded as superior to women (not officially, of course...). They hold 95% of government jobs and 99% of the presidencies of big corporations and organizations.

I have two younger sisters and two younger female first cousins (all of us born within a year of each other). When a boy cousin came along - after all of us girls were born -there was such celebration in the family just because he was a boy! He became (and forever stayed) the favourite, the one with the right of first choice, the one who received the best presents and the kindest words, the one who could escape punishment for almost anything.

It's a cultural frame of mind which is not easily changed...

vishesh said...

gawd...lovely!just lovely ;) I just don't get it why society is such a 'bitch' (sorry for the slang) ....seriously...

Priya said...

Life is always bitter and sweet. Either rich or poor the happiness lies in how you take things and live your life. Luxury is not happiness. Happiness comes from heart, family, neighbors and surrounding itself. If you can survive for a day, thaz a biggest happiness more than poverty.

But the society with so calle male domination makes people or even brave women submissive.

Ruth said...

I was so lucky to be born to my happy parents. They were celebrating to have a girl. Know why? It was as silly and simple as numbers. My dad wanted a girl because a girl would even out the family: there were already four boys and three girls; one more girl would make an even set. I brought them so much joy just being born. Nothing I did. Even though it is silly, it shows how even-handedly they viewed the gender of their children. There didn't seem to be anything else to consider in the mix.

My father always wished for 64 grandchildren, through each of his children having 8, four girls, four boys.

I didn't realize how precious that simple joy was was until today, after reading these hard facts.

Also - yes, it is rather stupid to wish for boys when the girls and women do 90% of the work. But it is also very ugly and annoying that women do 90% of the work. I remember riding in a bus east from Istanbul into the remote, eastern part of Turkey. We passed by women scattered around the countryside gathering grains in farm fields for miles and miles under the hot sun, like in your spectacular pictures. When we pulled into town, there were their husbands gabbing and laughing at sweet little tables in front of teashops, drinking chai and playing backgammon. This must stem from ancient teachings when women were considered property, like slaves. I guess they still are. As long as she's your wife or daughter, you don't have to pay her.

Thank you for the Beauty in the field. She is like a Sapphire.

Yogesh said...

A Great Post!!!

The problem is everyone of us is aware that what they are doing is wrong, what they don't know that they can break it too.

It is like you follow a custom and don't really know why you should be doing it in the first place.

Unless we overcome the shackles of our minds, these things will sadly continue...

Indyeah said...

Rauf so many emotions you have captured here..so many facets of this society of ours...your pictures tell a story..nay YOU hold up a mirror to this society.. and the image I see..we all see.. ... its not pretty..its brutal..its horrific, it shames me ...

...women have the power..they have always had it.. now they just need to realize it for themselves..

For you Rauf and all that you have shared here so deeply and from the heart..

Still I Rise

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Maya Angelou

the context might be different but this one is for women all over the world...no american ,black,white or Indian..just for women. period.

We are equal citizens of the world.

thank you for this Rauf.need to share this heartfelt story in pictures....

Winnie the poohi said...

Thats a beauty indyeah!

Mary has a knack of saying things hasnt she?

Phenomenal woman is by far my fav though :)

rauf said...

Sweet POOHEES, No daa, there was light during the dark ages and there was light in the dark continent. as you say light was always there. With all the progress we have made the minds of the people are still dark. There is no light there. i agree things have changed a lot over the years. But have the atrocities on women stopped ? You'll find traces of equality only in the cities. i spent half my life in forests, villages in the trains (the rough kind, dhakke' waali gaadi, ) i obeserve these people. i find gender bias everywhere.

A few air conditioned shopping malls, IT industry in the cities don't make India. This is not progress Poohees, i will breathe freely only on the day equality is restored, when gender bias and atrocities on women stop. Cambleetly.

rauf said...

Being the only son i enjoyed no privileges from mom and dad CLAUDIA, but i get pampered by my three sisters and an army of cousins who have made me an arrogant brat that i am. it gets on my nerves sometime and i scream at them to leave me alone and i run. They have phone numbers of my friends and keep complaining about me which is very embarrassing for me. i love washing my own clothes but my sisters don't let me. i find it quite annoying. They have made me so useless that i have become very lazy and i can't even heat up a pot of water. i feel that i can't survive alone. i am completely dependent on them. This is a great disadvantage for me as i dream of living in a forest with my brother monkeys. i am completely useless now Claudia.

This is a typical man of India, he can't cook and he can't wash, he is lazy, he gets all the comforts for bringing home the money, which women also do. Apart from earning, women have to do all the work in the house which includes taking care of the children. Things are clearly going wrong Claudia. i find women responsible for it. They pamper their sons and make them useless.

Please look at the picture Claudia. Women maintain order everywhere, like the female species of the planet and yet their voices are not heard. Girls like Ana and Clara pick up management skills where as boys indulge in violent games.

sakhi said...

i know many families who have a single girl child and the family is complete. Parents and kiddo happy happy!!

Hope the scenario changes and changes fast... which i sincerely doubt.

sakhi said...

oh forgot to mention, the pics are amazing! :)

rauf said...

oh VISHESH, a bit surprised hearing it coming from you, but no offense. No apologies.

Profanity is usually not used with its literal meaning. It is used mostly to emphasise a point. It adds weight to what you are saying. It helps when no one is paying attention. One word and all turn towards you. It quickly draws attention. i have never used that particular word, not even to a female dog. But i use other words among friends. My language is not clean Vishesh. i hate acting like a saint. i hate saints.

We are members of the same society Vishesh, we make the society. A clean and good picture is presented to you. The actual picture is very ugly.

i'll write about profanity in a normal conversation in my next post vishesh.

rauf said...

You are right PRIYA, Source of joy and misery is external. you say it comes from the heart, i say from shift in attitude. Its the same thing.

i have brought joy to my family and friends and i have caused great deal of unhappiness as well. But the real source is our expectations. i have failed many times. Happy is the person who has least expectations. i realised it is impossible not to have expectations. From family from friends from nature and even God.
Along with other things positive and negative, love generates expectations. Belief in God may bring intangible comfort and we pray. You know what happens next. We are asking for misery here.
A young woman prays for a healthy child, a healthy boy child. She strongly believes that her prayer will be answered, otherwise she would not pray at all. When things don't turn out well, a shift in attitude is required, like the lady in the first picture.

rauf said...

Mala is the youngest too RUTH, loved by all. One of my cousin is the youngest in her family and she is 75 with her own children and grand children, still gets scolded by her older sister who is 85. It is very funny to watch them fight.

You had a wonderful childhood Ruth,
loved by all, with no pressure of any kind.

Any Islamic country or India, a woman is treated as property.
Hinduism does not allow women to learn or teach Vedas. Its history now but condition of women in the rural areas still remains pathetic.
Female infanticide is not a new phenomenon. It existed in Vedic period.

Female infanticide arose from the general Vedic attitude towards women. The large dowries prescribed by the Vedas meant that a girl was seen as a burden. The woman who gave birth to a daughter was ashamed, and much stigma attached to a lady who only gave birth to daughters. Hence infanticide arose as a convenient way of getting rid of the "burden."Aryan texts sanction this custom:

"Tasmat striyam jatam parasyanti ut pumamsam haranti"(Hence they reject a female child when born, and take up a male.) [Taitt. Samh. VI.5.10.3] {Muir I 26}

oh deeah! rest of the text about bride burning is gruesome.

In Islamic countries women are no more than child producing machines
Early Arabs used to bury their daughters alive.

Along with priests of other religions i have to deal with Muslim fundamentalists as well, they'll jump on me on hearing that. but i am ready with exact quotes. They have no answers Ruth, they shift the subjects like other guys do. i talk munching masala peanuts.
would you like to have some ? i ask

From past one year since i moved to my new room no one has turned up.
my sisters keep begging me not to argue, they are afraid i'll get hammered by them. They bring tea and munches to ease the situation but i have never let the argument go out of hand Ruth. Please don't worry.

rauf said...

Shackles of our minds is the darkness i am talking about YOGESH, Nearly every day we hear stories about bride burning. Every one knows and accepts that dowry is an evil practice but there is hardly any wedding without a dowry. When i protest, i am told i want to give dowry for my daughter's welfare whats your problem ?

Situation turns very funny when the father of the girl is willing to throw a lot of money to get a green card holder for his daughter.
The dowry practice is so complex that sometimes i don't know whom to blame.
Its the middle class and the poor who suffer most yogesh.

Aaarti said...

Woww..loved the pictures[so vibrant, filled with emotions] and the post... am glad i belong to a family where girls are considered higher if not equal to boys...

mom keeps saying she is lucky to have girls cos we are the ones who're likely to take care of them/others around us thru their lives.... another aunt keeps saying " i wish i had a girl"...!!

We are progressing... but very slowly... and yes, i do see the "i wish i had a boy" in many women, in smaller villages and towns... !! :)

Winnie the poohi said...

Ah Rauf I know what you mean.. but you have to u\s this.. in cities ppl have changed.. and they will in villages too slowly.. it will propagate.. probably when women decide to stop acting like weaklings...

umm you know.. my dad also wanted a male child.. he was so disappointed when I was born.. coz they already had a girl.. my elder sis and wanted a boy.. and all.. but then I was almost brought up like a boy :)

So well it worked out well I guess.. I dunno really..

Winnie the poohi said...

Oh yeah.. I still have to field the question.. oh you have no brothers??? how will you get married kinds.. with lot of pity in their eyes..

I simply ignore.. no guy would have taken care of my father like me n my sis do.. that he knows so do we :D

Matangi Mawley said...

Brilliant photographs.. esp with womens' day coming up!

rauf said...

Endurance capacity of pain in women is nine times higher than men.
This is an established fact.

ABHI, Recently A friend of mine wrote to me that i am an unhappy person and said she will pray for me. All because i was brutal in my comments. i thought, do i have to a fake and tell her lies to make myself liked accepted by her ?
She believes in the lies written in her holy book.
She is exceedingly sweet person who doesn't read my blogs thankfully. As most of my posts are quite depressing. You'll find her in my portraits.

While walking in the forest recently i realised that she was right, i am carrying a lot of pain in my heart, pain of my friends in despair and i can never be a happy person. There is too much pain around me. Women are coping it well and i am not. i am a weak person Abhi.

Personally i have no complaints, i have to insulate myself and be insensitive to be happy. i have to pretend everything is fine around me.

This began at home when my mom slapped me for defending her and my sisters against the atrocities of my father.
They accept their fate without a fight.
And they are blinded by their faith.
One day my mom touched my feet begging me to calm down and to respect my father. i was still in school.

What do you know about life ? you are a man without responsibilities.
We know how to live, women say that to me. i get kicked on my face for defending them.

The poem touched me Abhi, Women are the victims of lies written in every 'holy book' Women are not respected but used by men. Its quite funny that women allow themselves to be used and endure the pain eternally. i could never understand it Abhi.

rauf said...

Hi SAKHI, oh ! you are a story teller. Beautiful format.
Touching story, Right attitude.
Good lesson. You write very well Sakhi.

Quite true, Many are happy with a daughter and they are complete.
As long as women cling on to their beliefs and accept being inferiors the atrocities will continue, as women are participants in most of them.

Thank you Sakhi, Welcome to Daylight Again

rauf said...

granpa vokkayee ??

yas yaas i knows. girls take care of parents, know many pamilees where girls have sacrificed their personal needs to take care of the parents. many many.

Howsee yooos Aarti ? give a timbaa to plaappy por me

nuttin much happenin, gettin some good breeze as its gettin haatter an haatter, vonly eating and eating, doin nuttin.
you a bijjy bijjy garl !

rauf said...

OWEE Sweet POOHEES, There are indeed winds of change blowing in the cities, but most of the cases of eve teasing, bride burning female infanticide, (2500 per day) come from the cities. And the other crimes against women are not reported at all. The registered cases are just a tip of an iceberg.
And the guilty escape punishment, very few get convicted after a long and painful trial, takes years, too painful for the victims Poohees, specially rape victims. Many give up half way through as they can no longer bear the expenses. They can't even think of counseling. Their lives are ruined. i am talking about the cities Poohees.
If ten out of ten are convicted, the crimes against women would stop.

rauf said...

Thank you MATHANGI and thanks for the joke.

Gwen Buchanan said...

My younger brother is the only boy in our family... & 3 girls and I am the oldest... I often wondered if birth order made any difference here... usually the youngest is a bit spoiled (I don't mean you Ruth)... but my brother certainly had more privileges than I did even though I was 4 years older...so the male dominance thing went on here back in the 60's. stupid.. I see no reason for it at all...

I have often wondered too why some people put so much emphasis on the classes... It seems like that in England too, at least that is what the people say that have moved here from there..
Why do people think that money makes you a person that belongs to an upper class and no money puts you in a lower class.. Do these people who believe this have low self esteem to think this... but money does not equate intelligence.

it boggles me that this still is such a state of living...

the days of regret are coming...

something about this reminds me of the beehive with its worker bees and the drones bees who are only kept around for breeding... but the bees know what to do.. they throw out the lazy drones at the end of the season...
they are left to their own devices... as they have not learned to work, they all die.. harsh but that is nature.. they don't have enough honey to feed bees that don't help with the hive... they know that!!

Rauf you set a good example for men to reach....I'm glad you are caring for woman.. How can India get more men like you?... But don't let that go to your head!! haha...

This is a fine docu-photo-mentary.
beautiful colors ... beautiful people... strong thoughts!! Thank you!!

wildpic said...

rauf ... any sane man would agree that their mother is their only known god and godess. a girl child has to bring 10 times more joy than having any child to any man who is a man ! the problem is most men have not understood manhood yet ! ... thats silly ...

Lord Boo said...

Brilliant posts, as usual, Poms! But i'm not gona comment this time.. still wallowing in shame after being reminded of the fact, that though my country is amazingly diverse in everything, it could still stoop to the lowliest of practices.. Keep up the good work, poms. All my love and hugs..


sonal sundararajan said...

unksie!big hug!

rauf said...

Dear GWEN,, sorry for the late response, i was caught up, i mean caught up literally with some work and with friends poppin in at odd times. There are no odd times for me. And they bring movies too.

Blogs are amazing Gwen, what an idea ! without looking at the profile, i know that i am at a women's blog. It is normally well decorated, they make you comfortable, make you feel at home. Play some music or a pleasant video, you feel they telling you to please sit down, have a cup of tea and listen to what i have to say and i sit down and listen. They have a very clear idea who comes and how many have heard them.
They have a very clear picture.
i really wish this was the way our world was managed. but it is in chaos largely because of male dominance and their utter callousness. Female dominated nature, like the example you have given, is doing fine by itself but for the damage we have caused.

In this post i am accusing women for spoiling men and grooming them to cause all the damage.
i agree with you Gwen, the days of regret are coming. that was well said. i just hope men give up and let women run the show before it gets any worse.

rauf said...

SURESH, imagine Chengis Khan's mother. i accuse her for making him a tyrant. Perhaps he was pampered and he should have been kicked by his mom in his childhood.
Complete misunderstanding of their masculine strength makes these people destroy and kill. i am sure people who are doing R&D on weapons of mass destruction are all men who were pampered by their mothers.

chinna and i could see the joy on your face the day Sarah was born
i am happy that i was there on that day Suresh. And now she is your favourite subject, what a joy she is. Thank you Malini.

Asokan's exhibition is coming up on 9th April in Ernakulam Lalith kala. i'll be going there to help him arrange things. i have designed the brochure, please make yourself free for a couple of days. its around puram festival. you'll find a smaller versions of the festival with usual fanfare in surrounding temples around that time before Thrissurpuram.

Indyeah said...

Thank you Rauf..and all that you have written about is so so true..that is why I still belive that women's Day is more about stock taking...to see how far we have come..and what remains to be done....and also how far we still have to go...

Rauf..do come and share whatever you want:)its a pleausre seeing you there..

I could not find the marketing strategy post rauf:(
where is it?

and warm warm wishes for you..:)

and a wish too that may your tribe increase...we need more such men...

rauf said...

ummmudee BOOEY, you are working like an unfortunate bull in Indian fields ruining your youth and beauty, under less than perfect conditions not quite to your liking your strengths and abilities, to buy a house for your parents. They must be proud of a daughter like you. i am proud you too aree ghodee Boo. i know some daughters who have sacrificed everything for their parent's well being, though at every step life has been cruel to them ,and yet they hold on to their faith which treats them with utter contempt. Their sacrifices go unrecognised without a word of thanks. That makes me mad and i scream at them.

Some tiring work at hand Boo, Nirmal brought 'the reader' want to watch the oscar winning performance, but not much strength left to sit and watch. Everybody is enquiring about you reee as your khoobsoorat thopda keeps appearing on my screen saver.

all my love and ((hugs)) Booey !
Take care

rauf said...

Hoye' SUNDARI SONU, kaahe' ko German mei comment thopaa ?

on clojer look i sawed it was not German varman, arrey yeh toh angrejo hoyo

one big vada sambaar hug from this Madraasi toos.

joke joke Sonu phor you,
you joke, i joke
you joke one, i joke one
okkay ?
voggay saar


Four linguists were sharing a compartment on a train on their way to an international conference on sound symbolism. One was English, one Spanish, one French and the fourth German. They got into a discussion on whose language was the most eloquent and euphonious.

The English linguist said: "Why, English is the most eloquent language. Take for instance the word "butterfly". Butterfly, butterfly... doesn't that word so beautifully express the way this delicate insect flies. It's like flutter-by, flutter-by."

"Oh, no!" said the Spanish linguist, "the word for "butterfly" in Spanish is "maripose". Now, this word expresses so beautifully the vibrant colours on the butterfly's wings. What could be a more apt name for such a brilliant creature? Spanish is the most eloquent language!"

"Papillon!" says the French linguist, "papillon! This word expresses the fragility of the butterfly's wings and body. This is the most fitting name for such a delicate and ethereal insect. French is the most eloquent language!"

At this the German linguist stands up, and demands: "Und vot is rongk mit 'SCHMETTERLING'?"


i think tithli is the best word
'pattamboochi' in Tamil ? ugh !

Ruth said...

rauf, in Turkish butterfly is 'kelebek.'

Anonymous said...

I dnt know of others but I have never read anything better on women !! no speech, no big words, no quotes.. just plain facts .. perfect !! and the pics.. how they speak !!thanks for writing this !1

ps:i played holi in bangalore with my friends.. next year i will invite you too :)

rauf said...

No ABHI, its good to hear that though, thank you. Actually i have caused a great deal of pain to my family and friends, have hurt them a lot. i get pampered though for various reasons.

a couple of years ago my niece suddenly started wearing the scarf and burqua, something strange in my family, and i yelled at her and we stopped talking. By the end of third day without talking to my niece i was feeling suffocated, swallowed my pride, and i went and apologised to her, followed by lot of hugging and crying from both sides. My argument was, no argument actually, i was screaming, we are Indians and we as Muslims don't need any identity to alienate ourselves from rest of the people. Sense prevailed after a month and she stopped wearing the scarf. None in my family forced her to wear it. She did it all by herself.

Apart from my screaming on dowry and gender bias, i get pretty annoyed seeing any wastage of water. All my sisters, my cousins are water maniacs. i am tired of telling them Abhi. But things are different in the villages. They know how precious water is, but they pollute the rivers and lakes.
Clean drinking water is not available to them causing various diseases, where ever i go i meet the village sarpanch and tell him, always a man. there should be a woman in his place.

The day is not far when women will understand and take up entire management. women have better management skills, they have the courage.

sorry for the delay in response Abhi, had to be mentally free to write to you.

rauf said...

oh happy Holi to you ABHI, hope you had a funfilled and colourful day.

rauf said...

RUTH, i have learnt that the wrod describing a butterfly is something special.
Tamil is pattamboochi, not quite to my liking
Chitrashalabham in Malayalam, quite a mouthful
Telugu word is big but the meaning is sweet ' sitakokachiluka'
Padmaja told me. meaning parrot (chiluka)design on goddess Sita's Sari. meaning, Sita's colourful Sari.
Kelebek sounds cute toos.

you can check rest of the words in different languages
in this site Ruth.


Its strange how the word for a delicate and colourful creature sounds in different languages.

i think holi is tomorrow Ruth. not sure it was today.

rauf said...

RUTH, KOKA is a stupid sounding name for such an elegant dress like Sari, i don't like the word sari itself, pronounced SAARDHI, R and D are half pronounced together. i pick up unnecessary fights over languages and words Ruth. The word Saardhi no way sounds feminine. Shalwaar khamees does. The most feminine word i find is Daamini or Daavini, i love the word. its a half Saardhi/sari. what you wear over shalwaar khamees is doepatta.
doesn't sound feminine.

tulipspeaks said...

the photos tell a story on its own even without your narration. this is reality!



Hayden said...

Dear Rauf. Another beautiful, passionate protest, thank you for it.

you do understand... women's hatred of girl children is self-loathing, rooted in their own shame and suffering. slaves always have that germ within. of course you do.

if I were a prophet I'd say this plague will not end until women have more rights within the society, an ability to exist successfully outside of the noose of male protection.

but I'm not, so never mind.

bless you, rauf, for your passion and ability to bring them so beautifully to our attention. you are amazing.

Marie said...

so wonderful colors, again and again. I like your pictures !

rauf said...

EEEEEEEEE PRETTY PRATIBHA, Nice to hear that, feels good, perhaps its because i have a heart of a woman and a mind of a man. i am ashamed of being a man, i am ashamed of the human race itself. i run to the forest, i don't belong there eeder. i come back and i don't fit in anywhere. Always an alien. and i pick up fights with every one, men and women. We are supposed to be a part of nature, only humans have gone completely out of line. Nature demands female management, female dominance. What went wrong ? i have written about it, you'll find it quite annoying.

Thanks for the invitation Pratibha,
i invite you to Chennai, we'll meet some day.

rauf said...

AMMOOOO, whatoo ? Wowwee got a new camera ! You jumpeeng jumpeeng ?
i have a Lumix toos, vold vharry vharry vold, LZ30, half of it doesn't whark, but still always wid me, most of da pitters you see here are taken wid Lumix. when you comings chennais ? i'll take you to fillim shooting. Some idiot friends are making movies, vonly flop movies. No news from my KL friends. Hopees you are happees and finees.

rauf said...

Dear HAYDEN, enemies of women are women themselves unfortunately. Apart from embracing religions which treat them with utter contempt, they are largely responsible for their own miseries.
Most of them accept being inferior with pride and accept injustice as their duty. In Asian and in the Islamic ruled countries, women don't want to have any rights. They silently suffer abuse of various kind. Unfortunately it is women who have to adjust and sacrifice all the time. They don't have to.

i ask every one to study and understand how the nature works Hayden. Women should understand their power, their natural management skills and shed their beliefs which make them weak. Once they understand, we will be on the road to peace and prosperity everywhere.

rauf said...

vous remercier, très gentil de votre part MARIE

namaki said...

This is a very moving text about women and daughters... the portraits are beautiful !

rauf said...

Thank you NAMAKI, oh i see some lovely pictures in your blog.
What you see here are not good pictures Namaki, these pictures are not taken at right time and right light, these are just pictures, nothing more

You can see some brilliant pictures in Ruth, Claudia, Monsoon Dreams, Marie and Patty's blogs, links are on the side bar

Welcome to Daylight Again Namaki

Let me try some google translation

Merci NAMAKI, oh je vois de belles photos dans votre blog.
Ce que vous voyez ici ne sont pas de bonnes photos Namaki, ces images ne sont pas prises au bon moment et à droite la lumière, ce ne sont que des photos, rien de plus

Vous pouvez voir quelques photos dans brillante Ruth, Claudia, Marie, Monsoon Dreams et Patty's blogs, les liens sont sur le côté bar

Bienvenue à Daylight Again Namaki

Winnie the poohi said...

Ah Rauf. you do make sense.. and yet I cannot help be optimistic about it.. I find may b you are too impatient.. males and females today face huge burden of past teachings.. and they cannot be counteracted so easily..

Men dominate coz females are submissive..

Most discussion you will find women saying that Its practical to be submissive.. the fact is... in a long run it is not practical..

As they say again and again.. rape is all about power a man violates woman she is marked for life..

What if a woman refuses to be affected?

What if she responds back with enthusiasm ?

In the end a man is afraid of feminine blatant sexuality.. For he knows he can never match it.. so he represses it...

Like the wings of the birds are cut partially to tame them.. sexual drives of females is repressed to tame females.. but then why wud a female accept that ? A bird once captured gets used to the cage.. so does a female.. and once you are born in the cage.. you know no other home.. to break through.. you have to break the shackles in your mind.. and it wud take centuries to do it..

When after 150 years of independence we still r beholden to our western masters in many ways subconsciously.. how can we expect females to change when they have recently tasted freedom ?

I am sure may be 3 generations after me.. female domination wud be a menace and not the other way round :)

rauf said...

oweee You got it !SWEET POOHEES, WOWWEE !
thanks for helping me. Men are afraid of women. i understand now.
It never struck me. You are right Poohee Da. Men are aware of the women power. Some misuse their physical strength driven by that fear.

i avoid discussing certain topics with women, i scratch my yeddu with both my hands and ask for water when i am dragged into it. They all say i understand women better, actually i don't.
They all try to repair me like something is seriously gone wrong with me and train me like a dog.

i am always at great disadvantage, i had to duck short pitched deliveries hurled at me all my life. and i don't react to their mindlessness. i get pampered for various reasons, for being a maha dimwit. i get extra paapad, sweets and all. i am good baby sitter (no infants) errand boy, i take care of the kids while mothers shop. and i have been a porter all my life. and get carpenters electricians plumbers.

Surprisingly men have supported me in my protests and fights to allow women to make vital decisions. But women don't want to. They cut each other, sisters, mother-daughter-daughter in law, or two women in an organisation. They all try to please men, wasting their power, their creativity and imagination that could help solve many burning issues of the world.

sonia a. mascaro said...

Hi Rauf, you did an excellent and amazing reportage here with gorgeous and stunning photos! Unfortunatelly my English is "weak", therefore I could not express all my thoughts about this important and major issue.
Kind regards,

Elizabeth said...

What an amazing post.
We have just got back from Rajasthan - our first visit to India.
We were totally overwhelmed both in good and bad ways.
Lots to think about.
Sonia put me in the direction of your blog. Many thanks to her.
I was so happy that our driver is so proud of his 18 year old daughter in college. (The first in her family).
Years ago I read Nectar in a Seive and was so saddened by it - though I'm sure much out of date.
Your blog has lots of wisdom in it.

Alicia M B Ballard said...

Dearest Raufie

So good of you to share so openly this "cultural" tragedy that follows though here as well...
I also love the girl Ruth loves - I was thinking in having a picture link to your blog as I was reading and had chosen her... you can see into her soul
Then again, you ruffian, you can get to anyone's soul with your camera! :)

Sad, very sad. A situation with many "layers"; the one that we all share around the world is the bitterness and cruelty that women are capable of generally treating one another.

We literally "can eat" our young, and to add fuel to what you stated, not all mothers are born or inclined towards a graceful and committed motherhood.
Few and far between are those that full-heartedly fulfill the role to its full meaning and expectation.
That is also sad, as our personal security is forever threatened and I assume that must reflect also and more clearly with imminent motherhood and the subsequent responsibility...


Now, for some great news, I got myself a MacBook and I am in love! lol
My visit will resume to their former frequency as I will no longer have problems viewing and commenting.
I missed visiting you my dear friend.

Always worth my time
Lots of love and hugs

rauf said...

Thank you SONIA, essential function of a language is to communicate, and you communicate beautifully with your language and with your pictures Sonia.

rauf said...

Welcome to Daylight Again ELIZABETH, and thank you.

Nectar in a Sieve is a sad story of millions of women like Rukmani.

India is a land of extremes Elizabeth, as an Indian i experience both sides. Joy ecstasy, sadness and despair. All our evils are deep rooted and it will take hundreds of years to come out of tthem. People specially women are not willing to come out of their misery largely due to their religious beliefs. The society has been very cleverly designed in to a cast system for the benefit of the rich. We Indians seem to love our misery.

i understand when you carry both pleasant and unpleasant memories of India. Hope you come back again.
i have written about Rajasthan and incidentally my next post is on Rajasthan, but not quite. Thank you once again Elizabeth

kathi dunphy said...

Yes Rauf , many women want to be submissive, but only because it means basic survival. In many islamic countries anything less than complete obedience to husband, brother, father, brings "shame and dishonor" on the family , a "crime" worthy of death. Have you read The Caged Virgin by Ayaan Hirsi Ali? She is one of the worlds most brave and heroic women,speaking out articulately and boldly for muslim womens' human rights, at great personal risk.

rauf said...

dearest ALICIA, oh i know you have been busy, a photo exhibition of my friend is coming up on 9th April in Ernakulam kerala and i am busy preparing for that.

MacBook is a joy, i have seen one recently, white, but it is very expensive here and hardly any support.

As you have rightly said, it is a cultural tragedy of our own making. You can't blame any god or fate. We can come out of it but we don't.
When the society and the system treats you with contempt, it is up to us to give it back to the society but we continue to live with low esteem and don't come out of our misery simply because it is against the religion we follow.

Now that spring is knocking your door, you'll get fresh ideas, lots of work, joy and sunshine, and your new Mac Book is boosting your joy
lots of love
(Hugs) Alicia
enjoy the spring.

rauf said...

Hi KATHI, quite true. i find Muslim women, women in general in India want to remain inferior with pride. This is very strange. Most of them are not aware that inferiority of women is against the laws of nature. Our earth is run and managed by the female species. Nature demands female management.

no, i have not read the book Kathi. the world needs more women like th author to stand up and speak against injustice and fight for their rights and respect from the society. It is unfortunate that women themselves would oppose any such uprising.

hope you are doing fine Kathi.

Peter said...

At last I took the time to come to your blog, strongly recommended by Ruth! I understand why!!
This attitude towards females is of course completely unacceptable in my own mind and fortunatley today in most minds (but not all) in countries where I have lived, in the northern and western part of Europe. I'm not against religions (although not a believer myself) and traditions, but they have not always helped our societies to progress! ... and I'm of course against fanatsim. Education and opening to the outside world for everybody should help, but this is unfortunately also still a dream.
If I had to make the choice of maintaining girls or boys on the earth, I would vote for the girls (you are the best!), but we may need both! :-) Let's learn to live together... equal rights, equal obligations!
... and yes, your photos are definitely among the best I have ever seen! You just must love girls and ladies after having seen them!

rauf said...

hahaha PETER, Every ten people i photograph nine are women Peter. Ofcourse there are women who played vital roles in my life and influenced me a lot, largely because i am a good listener.
i have allowed women to control me. Specially children. They are the best teachers.

Situation in western countries is very misleading Peter. Looks fine from a distance, but gender bias is very much prevalent. No improvement in Asian African and Islamic countries where women still suffer social injustice. i am accusing women here for accepting inequality without much protest.

Sincerely apologise for the delay in responding to your comment Peter, Welcome to Daylight Again,
i am very pleased to see you here.

Mahesh Sindbandge said...

i am just falling in love with ur pic....
words cannot express what a picture can do..:)

i made ur space a part of my reading list...
it definitely needed that..

rauf said...

deah MAHESH, i think i have already told you that you won't find good pictures here in this blog, you see just pictures or relevant pictures, sometimes even bad pictures. please check Ruth, Claudia, Monsoon Dreams, Nathalie's blog for some stunning and brilliant pictures.

i have to warn you that views and opinions expressed here will be quite damaging if you are a religious person. You'll find mostly offensive and depressing material here.

Alicia M B Ballard said...

Dear Raufie
love affair with (Mac) Maxwell MacIntosh continuos... mine has the aluminum body, glass screen; it is expensive here also, 90 days support
Apple techie at store of purchase every saturday... not bad.
It has been a tad slow (but divine) to get into it as i am not only practically learning a new language, but also to be my own trouble shooter/techie - who would have thought it - lol!

We are still having cold and snow, 6 months of it - unheard!!!

Setting up a jewelry exhibit and sales today... something new. And, participating at our local First United in an event titled "Spirituality and Art"... it appears that even organized religion is trying to find a way out... anyway, there is a "new movement" within North American Christians called "Progressive Christianity" that is "reverting" to a more natural and spontaneous - run out of space!!! Love and hugs

rauf said...

This is very strange dearest ALICIA, Seasons aren't the same anymore, as far as i can see, the migratory birds are confused as well. December in Chennai was like April.

hope the Jewelry exhibition was a great success Alicia.

We indians cannot afford a Mac. only 2 percent of a billion have touched a keyboard, and this 2 percent is nearly the entire population of US.

Yes people are doing their best to make organised religion more meaningful, as it is losing ground everywhere though they are still making money. People are so insecure that they are willing to spend and buy insurance from God.
lot goes in to the pockets of godmen, a little is spent for developmental activities.
lots and love Alicia

still thinking !!! said...

ur awesome!

JoAnn's-D-Eyes said...

Hello RAUF my friend,
How are you doing my friend? Great shots as usual I could drink 2 coffee's while looking at them, and my mouth felt open so beautiful the photo's are!!!

I haven't seen you and You haven't seen me for a while because I am busy with my showing for the Festival of Photography, coem and see my blog?

Bye JoAnn/Holland

Anonymous said...

I love it ! Very creative ! That's actually really cool Thanks.