Growth

The plant is jutting ot of my neighbour's 2 feet thick concrete wall. This perhaps may not mean anything to you. This is just a common sight.
you see this every where.
This tells me who stays and who goes. Its a reminder.

Things grow by themselves, we have no power to stop the growth.

This planet has the capacity to heal itself, what ever damage human greed may cause, it may take hundreds or thousands of years. We are not trying to save the planet, we are actually trying to save ourselves and our future generations. The planet knows when to wipe us all out. We humans are just a bunch of jokers lost in our beliefs. Happy are those who don't care to know why we are here, happy are those who think they have the answer. The planet is laughing at us.


This is a new year greeting I made for the year 2004 Click to enlarge

Blunt Knife

Good Samaritan

Aha ! so you know how to cross the road.
good very good.
Do you cross the road on your own or you hold a road crossing manual in your hand ? or use a walking stick, or cross the road sitting on a wheel chair when you have the strength to stand on your own and walk ?

A good Samaritan is always looking for a blind man to help him cross the road
' wait wait where are you taking me ?
zooom zoom zoom speeding cars trucks passing by
'Thank you sir for helping me but actually I was waiting for my friend I did not want to cross the road.'
You really feel good, feel purified when you help a blind man cross the road.
There is no difference actually, We are just as blind.

"Forgive them my Lord for they know not what they are doing"
English translation : These guys are maniacs
I forgive my cat for he knows not what he is doing. He is another maniac.

This chap was trying to catch my fingers while I was typing and he stepped on the power key shutting down the system, had to type it all over again, Do you realise that my cat is trying to help you all ? Preventing me from posting this blog ?

Putputs and Priya the last four lines are for youI actually wrote something more and desparately tried to bring it down to four lines and failed. sorry
Blunt Knife

Nirvana

That is Rajesh teaching Moin 18 years ago
Learning is a never ending process. I am 58 and still learning something or the other every day

90 percent of the road accidents are due to bad judgement, rest is due to the failure of mechanism. Bad judgement is simply bad commonsense. Commonsense develops over the years if you care to develop.

Take a sheet of paper and throw it out of the window. It just falls at your feet. You crush the sheet of paper and roll it into a ball and throw it out of the window.
Did any one teach you that ?
Its a silly question
why should any one teach me how to throw paper out of the window ?
You know it and You just do it.
Every action of yours comes out of commonsense, which is not taught in schools or by parents or from the holy books, You may learn theories. Commonsense develops by sheer observation.


You need not know that the sheet of paper cannot cut through the resistance of air. You alter the shape though the mass remains the same. You place a cup very gently on a glass table. You don't drop it. You need not understand the theory of relativity nor the Newton's laws of motion. But still every action of yours comes out of them
This man does not have a Ph.D in Physics


Learning is a continuous process, your learning, your experience guides your actions right through your life.

You may be a great yogi, you may stay suspended in air for half an hour,
You may be an enlightened man, but you still have to learn how to cross the road. When you know how to cross the road, you don't need any enlightenment. Who needs nirvana ?

Blunt knife

Flash back

George Best died, No I am not a Manchester United fan, I don't follow football the way I follow cricket. Apart from being an exceptional talent George Best was incredibly handsome. That brought screaming girls to the football stadium. I am not going to talk about him or football, His death opened the flood gates of memories.

There were only three things in England of the 60's The Beatles, George Best and Twiggy.

England went quiet after Christine Keeler - John Profumo affair, he was a secretary of war. A whole ministry of war ?? Probably they wanted to be at war at any point of time. Christine Keeler posed nude sitting on a chair, that chair became more famous than the model sitting on it. Any way things were quiet for some time. Then came the Beatles. They swept the world. They influenced the world more than the mobile phones or the computers.
India should be thankful to them, as there was hardly any tourism before they invaded. There were only 3 points of tourism, Delhi Agra and Kashmir. That too only for the very rich. Before the Beatles India did not exist for an ordinary westerner. Their influence was not just the music, just about everything changed. The very way you look at things changed. Thinking, ideas creativity designing. Every thing was fresh.
That freshness of ideas brought Twiggy.

Twiggy was a concept, not a person. An idea fresh from the sky.
No one would take a second look at her before the Beatle revolution. Here she is, a frightened kitten. What a Darling she was, Along with the Beatles I had her posters all over my walls. I used to go to Moore Market to buy magazines tiny bits of pictures of her, the Beatle and George Best. I loved her. Almost my age, a year younger, she was born 1949 Sept 19th I knew all their b'days. SOOWWEEEET she was.

Every body ate well before Twiggy came. If you did not eat well, you were either sick or did not have any money to eat. Now the whole world wanted to look like her, the dogs and the cats and the Horses. The elephants in the forest started going on a diet.
'owee, no more sugarcanes for me I wanna look like Twiggy' mama elephant said.

Twiggy was a sensation and she was not aware of it. The first super model. She was absolutely clueless, that was her charm, that was her beauty. She ate well, she was not anorexic, a word unheard of, like the term ' generation gap' before the Beatles. The communist world termed her as a ' tool of capitalism' Such was her impact.
At the height of glory and fame one day she just quit.

If any of your friends says 'no chocolates and ice cream please, I am on a diet', ask her if she has heard of Twiggy, she is the one who started it all.
Blunt Knife

Personality

The first thing I throw is a user manual. I don't like to follow instructions. I do on my own, and make a mess. of every thing. I don't like holding a book of instructions holding my nose and jumping into the water

Chinna used a strange word I had never heard before 'blog' It sounded like a huge rock falling on your house, a bomb like thing.
What is it Chinna ? He explained, these are personal web sites, where people write about almost every thing, their lives, opinions, ideas and he told me about photo blogs and he showed me a couple of them. That was a crime. He made me a blogger, dropping bombs. Mala made me touch a key board for the first time in my life, that was a crime too.
Your type writer is so flat ?? Its a key board rauf, she said. She had a black and white TV attached to it, and made me play a car race game. She said
' you are a menace, you'll kill everybody on the road'
Now the key board is an extension of my body. I am hooked to it.


First I thought these blogs are only for geeks, far beyond my good old coconut. I found you don't need any brain to open one. First I read a few blogs, some were good , some were just trash. Since every body thinks that he is the most sensible person on earth, I being no different, thought I could have one of my own. Found it pretty easy. There were some fixed formats, I liked none of them but had to choose one and stuck to it.

I got used to reading some blogs regularly, mostly Indians, formed an idea of their personality through their writing. It was like commuting every day, you get to see same faces, you form an opinion on their personality without even talking to them. You miss them when they don't show up.
Suddenly a lady whom you have seen wearing a sari always shows up wearing a jean and a t-shirt and you are upset. Same thing happened here, one lady decided to change her format or template thing ?? it was like a change in her personality, I was very upset. I was never happy with mine, and decided to change without any knowledge or help, and made a mess of it.

These google people are amazing, they think of certified and decorated diploma holding dimwits wits like me, There was an option called ' clear edits' specially for ignorant morons which saved me and all my previous posts. Finally I managed without any help. Trial and error, Still no user manuals for me. Still refusing to learn. A friend of mine demands a user manual when he buys a screw driver or a spanner
Taking swimming lessons on the net is not a bad idea.
Blunt Knife

New arrivals

Can you do this ? He is asking me
He is not giving me any demonstration of yoga asna, we simply cannot do this. Perhaps some of you can. The cat has 64 vertebrae, we have only 32. They can survive a fall from a height and land safely. Please tell me if I am wrong, I have this habit of not checking the facts before I shoot my mouth.

We have new arrivals, mama cat has littered again, as usual under my bed. Mama cat is this chap's mom, given birth to 2 kittens. One is jet black, the other is brown white and a black patch on one eye. I know I know who the father is. A big thug of our street, badmaash loafer kameena he is. My fellow has been scaring the mama cat driving out his own mother, doesn't let her come near me. I don't like his attitude. I have to lock him up to feed her. She is simply gorgeous, thats why she is always pregnant. I have noticed when she feeds the new born, the black patch chap keeps pushing the jet black chap away with his hind legs. the competition for survival begins that early. I'll post their pictures later, I don't want to disturb them now.

Its raining again, Every year I go to Kerala just to walk in the rain get myself completely wet. I used to jump on any one who curse the rain for having ruined their day

5 in the morning, Some neighbour is trying to start his bike in this pouring rain for more than half an hour now, his bike is refusing to budge, Poor chap. Believe me I am praying for his bike to start, its getting on my nerves. I think God heard me, He has given up, no no no he hasn't, he has started again. there was a long gap, Perhaps he took a coffee break., I mean my neighbour not God.
Blunt Knife

Prison

Some enlightened man threw a bottle of coca cola on Winston Davis, hit him on his shoulder
India -West Indies Chepauk, forgot which year.
That incident brought humiliation to all the cricket lovers in Chennai for ever.

India England Test match, Chepauk the next year, took Moin and Ruby with me, they were very small, Ramesh with us with Ranju for expert comments, festive atmosphere, Pongal holidays, more than a match it was a picnic, carried lots eats, banners, markers. We were frisked like criminals, I did not like children being frisked, cops wouldn't allow a bottle of ketchup, one cop almost slipped the ketchup bottle in his pocket, children are smart, they grabbed it from him and poured out water and transfered the ketchup to the plastic water bottle.
Saw a tall fence all along the ground. Felt like a prisoner

That was my last experience of watching a match in a stadium
Blunt Knife

I AM NOT ALONE

Please don't tell me that you have never watched a depressingly rotten movie. I have seen quite a few in my life. When ever I come out of the theatre after watching such a movie I look at the expressions of people walking out with me. It hurts less when you realise that you are not the only one who suffered.
You are not alone.

I have always felt that I am the only one who is refusing to learn and keep repeating the blunders.It hurts to be alone. My cat says don't feel bad you are in good company. Yesterday's cricket match was abandoned. Is this the first time ? No. They never learn and keep repeating the blunders. It will be repeated next year.
I am not alone

The Hospital

My yesterday's blog was sick
It was my intention to make it sick. with sick humour. My very close friend who is a journalist called me and said he is coming over. I was expecting a big showdown. He came in pouring rain. He gave me the full details of what really happened, every minute detail. I have always respected his opinion and judgement. After hearing him, now I really regret that I did not make the blog a whole lot sicker using stronger words.

I love my country with all its shortcomings. There are much more important issues which need immediate attention than diverting ourselves on such silly issues. The country has been admitted in a hospital with serious illness since independence. Silly issues have not let the country come out of the hospital for nearly 60 years now. Unfortunately these silly issues are the bread and butter of the media.

Hello Hello... any body home ?

Hello Hello is there anybody in there ? -.David Gilmour - the Wall

I had no clue
I did not know what it was all about
I don't read news papers
Moin Ruby wouldn't say any thing to me
She said something...... they both said
I had to dig out week old news paper
And still not clear to me why there is
controversy in the first place

And please don't arrest me, I apologise in advance, this is just for fun

Khushbu walks into her doctors clinic
'EEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYAA Congratulations sweet Khushbu' !!
the doctors screams in excitement,
' be careful be careful please walk slowly slow slow slow '
'When is it due when is it due ? looks pretty close to me'
Congratulations.. congratulations !!!!
you never told me Khusbu The doc protested

' no no no aiyoo aiyoo !!' Khushbu protests

Who is your gyno ?

Oh God .....no no no Not that..... Aiyooo !

Did you have it scanned ? Why did you come here, I am not a gyno, are you having any problems ? Don't worry Don't worry, Have you seen any gyno yet ? You should have told me Khushbu, its not late, My friend Dr. Malathi is a good gyno, Lets go there.

' Aiyoo Doctor saarey... you are not listening , I am not.......its not what you think.''

Don't be shy khushbu.... I am glad.... I am so glad, you have to be careful about diet khushbu, I know you are a celebrity, and you can't go for walks, but you have a tread mill, and yoga is good for you''

Aiyooo aiyooo doctor doctor please listen....'

You have to drink lot of water khushbu lots and lots of water'

'Pleeeeese Doctor wait... I AM NOT PREGNANT '

OOOOOOOOOOOOWATTT ?? pointing to her tummy...What is this then ???

Aiyooo.. don't ask meeee...I did a stupid thing

what.. stupid thing ?

'You know what khusbu is ?

Khushbu is a movie star, and khushbu is still gorgeous'
......... doctor line maarta

No no, Khushbu is fragrance in Urdu

You have come all the way with a swollen tummy to teach me Urdu ?

Aiyoo how can I explain ?? .. its so embarrassing.

Doctor holds her hand...... ' I am not your doctor khushbu dear, I am your friend too'
phir se' line maarta
Tell me what happened Khusbu, wow even your sweat is fragrant.

This joker is lying... Line maarta saala, He is holding his breath I know

actually Thats why I am here, You know I am growing old, and producers have forgotten me, I have lost my fragrance....

no no no khushbu dear, these producers are blind you are still a stunner khushbooooo'

I don't think so doctor, I thought I could get back the same old charm the same old fragrance. and magazines would write about me again spalshing my pictures on their cover pages

wait wait let me examine you, lie down here ..Doctor taps her tummy

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG

WHAAT ? he grabs the stethoscope taps the tummy again

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG

What is this ??? worried look on doctors face

What happened doctor ?? ...is it serious ?

Yes I am afraid ...I don't understand... strange very strange... I tap your tummy and the echo is coming from your head'

Doctor taps her head.....' Oh Dear !! bigger echo' loud very loud, its empty.....there is nothing here,... Actually Khushboo dear, all gorgeous film stars have some echo in the head, but not like this, its too loud there is nothing here... not a thing... Now tell what happened ?'

I drank a whole bottle of perfume

''YOU WHATT ???'

I drank perfume

'What perfume ?

perfume perfume,
What perfume ? Does it really matter ?

yes

Channel 5

How much

6000 rupees

No wonder there is a loud echo up there.. I mean what is the quantity you gulped ?

The whole bottle... big one

And you thought you'll get back your old charm your old fragrance

BURRRRRRP

The doctor had to rush out of the room he couldn't bear the stink.....Comes back after the air is cleared

I came here only for this....... now you know what my problem is

Its quite a stink, worse than hydrogen sulphide and its full.... pointing to her tummy 'You have to let the stink out '

How ?

say something stinky

Like what ?

you know better

Amma has a great figure ?

Not here khushbu, not to me, say that to the press and more over its not good, she may give you an award for it, say something really stinky

Any ideas ?

Me no tell

How about my grand father designed Central Station ?

no, not good, the media is dumb, They'll eat it, they
won't check, they'll print it and next day its forgotten. You have to explode a lasting stink

How about Manmohan singh is a bearded goat ? is that any good ?

Don't talk central, you are a no body to him, I doubt he has ever heard of you. You don't exist up there.. talk Local, something the local press can't chew.

How about Tamilians don't use toilet paper ?

no.. not good.... that is stale, and more over that is a desi American statement, even Aishwarya Rai doesn't use toilette paper..

She doesn't ??? how do you know?

I know ...

do you ?

Do you what ?

do you use ?

Use what ?

Toilet paper you silly..... you are a doctor

No

Like me, .... very Indian

We are drifting from the subject and all my waiting patients ran away, they couldn't bear the stink and I lost ten thousand rupees

I am broke, I would have compensated, Thats why I drank the whole bottle

Doctor is looking bored and irritated now Just go out Khushbu... climb on to the stage grab the mike, call the press and say something really stinky...Press had nothing to eat since Shankaracharya, they are hungry. Poor guys are dying of starvation ...Nothing really happens here in Madras..please go.. I cant bear the stink Just get out of here

Reunion

Thats him

Certain happy occasions have depressed me, like my sister's wedding. I was happy running around doing the work, all my friends were there with me to help, but when my sister was leaving I collapsed, creating panic all over. It was embarrassing as I stalled my sister's leaving by a couple of hours. I couldn't bear the idea of her leaving the house, though we've been fighting hitting each other all our lives.

On Saturday I received a phone call
' Am I talking to Rauf ? ' he asked ' My name is Kishore Bheda
I screamed on the phone with excitement. He landed here within half an hour.

He was with me 25 years ago during my very first unforgetable Himalayan experience, it was an organised trek. After that no contact whatsoever. I was extremely happy to receive him, hugging hitting each other continued for half an hour. I was depressed in some corner in my mind. He said he's been trying to locate me from past 2 days, asking around and making numerous phone calls. I was stunned with his efforts, without having my address or phone number, I had no phone 25 years ago.

What really depressed me was, I have been to Pune many times but I never made any attempt to locate him. That showed something lacking in me. Seeing our joy, Sindu and her masterji who had come to see me immediately left. 'You are meeting after 25 years we better leave.. We'll leave you alone'
Flood gates of memories burst open, and how we have changed over the years physically. Kishore seemed to be very happy, healthy, he has a family, doing well in his life, He made absolutely no attempt to impress me with what he is doing now and how he has improved in his life or how prosperous he is the way some friends do, meeting after a long time. I have been the same, from past 50 years, same living conditions same house, virtually no improvement. We did not let the age interfere with our joy by talking abut our health and other problems of growing old. We promised to be in touch in future.

My cat is watching me type but not trying to catch my finger running on the keyboard, just sitting seriously thinking. Its raining early in the morning and
the roof is leaking again.... tup tup tup.

WORLD RECORD

This is Ujjain and that is not me, I look like him though and ride as mindlessly

Is there any word for refusing to learn ?
Puts will call me after reading this post and tell me
array ghode' this is the word for it.
But she wakes up in the afternoon, too late for me.
I would call it History, refusing to learn I mean.
The teacher complaining your son is historing ?
No there must be another word for it.
Or the science of repeating the blunders called History ?

Priya's comment yesterday took me back to a day in my life when I was the king of Madras more than 40 years ago.

I had to wait for a very very long time to own a bicycle,
then I crowned myself as the king of Madras.
Believe me it was a big thing, your own bicycle, and I had this knack of running into the cops always. Going doubles (a pillion )
riding without a lamp in the nights was an offence.
There were always a couple of boys piling on to my bike going to Moore market looking for books, bits of pictures of the Beatles Rolling stones Dave Clark five in the magazines
These cops just appear from nowhere like ghosts in the cemetery.
Judging by my looks they come to a right conclusion that this chap has no money in his pocket. Pretty sadistic they are, in total frustration of making no money out of me, they remove air from the tyre sometimes both, if the cop happened to be a Jack the ripper, most of them were. I would be standing there begging and pleading. The level of my begging depended on the distance from home as I had to drag the bike all the way back home. Any protest resulted in their locking the bike and throwing away the key. Lifting the back wheel and dragging the bike all the way was not just a torture but you get laughed at too. And there is a chance of another cop catching you and accusing you of stealing some one's bike. One cop told me to buy a packet of charminar cigarettes. Went to a shop nearby and found it was 50 paise'. I went back and told the cop that I have money to buy only 2 cigarettes. I had only 10 paise' in my pocket. he said ok go get, and removed the air from only the front wheel as a gesture of his kindness.

One day I was in Parrys happily riding my bike, like the man in the picture. I found something unusual, the pavements were clean, all the road side shops vanished, rode my front wheel right between the legs of a waiting cop who gave me a glorious welcome, little short of garlending me. I did not notice a newly laid cycle track, and I was supposed to ride within those lines. Along with me there were 500 other offenders. I had to go to the GT court pay the fine, show the receipt and get my bike released. The court was full and noisy, I had to wait for my name called, Except for Mala and Chinna no body pronounces my name right. Rauf, pretty strange name, sounds even funnier when written in Tamil. God knows how the cop wrote my name in Tamil, first the cop didn't believe me, thought I was kidding him or giving him a false name. I convinced him that this is the name my father gave me. He scribbled something, an army of offenders followed him to the court. I have grown into hearing an array of pronunciations, the worst being Rooghoop.
I couldn't find my way in, the court was spilling with offenders, half of them were drunk ( in the morning ) Found a chap dragging a goat which was peeing every where, I asked him, he said his other goat is caught by the cops, mean buggers.
An old man smelling of cow dung was standing next to me, obviously his buffalo was arrested for jay walking. Hawkers selling peanuts, samosas, jilebi, chai waala wading through the crowd. People were buying them eating and drinking chai,
all this is happening while the court is in session.
Just married couples emerging out of an adjacent court wearing garlands, smiling, getting photographed, it was all happening.
Boy how I love my country,
The idea of leaving my country never crossed my mind even for a second in my 58 years. where else you would have such fun ?
This country so full of life. This is paradise for me
but right then I was not having any fun
I was worried about my new bike being stolen by the cops themselves,
and I was worried about the fine I had to pay as I had less than 5 rupees in my pocket.
My ears were open to the fines being slapped on the other offenders, they were all less than five rupees, that was a relief.
I heard something resembling my name called,
I elbowed my way towards the magistrate's bench, hoping the name called is not associated with any murder. It was my name alright, though missing by miles, rookoop or rooftop some thing I don't remember. The magistrate was not looking at all, he was lost in his own world, perhaps sleeping. His assistant asked me in Tamil,
did you cross the yellow line ?
I did not cross the yellow line.
but I jumped at it, simple offence lot better than murder.
I said ' yes your honour' in English
the sleeping magistrate, suddenly looked up,
perhaps no one in his life time had called him ' your honour'
Dazed look on his face
What are you ? he asked me in English
I am a student your honour
Yes you can go he said
big relief, no fine,
still I had to take a receipt for zero fine, go back show the receipt to the cops and get my bike released. Finished my work seeing a friend of mine, on my way back in the evening, 2 cops grabbed my handle bar, This time I really did cross the yellow line, avoiding a lambaa chakkar, You have no idea how dumb I can get. Oh dear I don't believe this. The morning episode was history. Cops were all over the place on an arresting spree this time opposite fruit market, a sea of cycles parked there, all traffic offenders like me. I had to go to the same court again. I'll cut it short. there was no magistrate. All
waiting, I was praying.....
God please don't send the same magistrate,
God sent the same magistrate.
He was looking pissed now, the cops disturbed his peace by bringing hundreds of petty offenders. He was yelling at his assistants too. Long wait, perhaps the magistrate was not enjoying working over time, irritated he was, slapping fines to his fancy right left and centre.
No good news for me,
I was just hoping that he doesn't remember me,
but how can he forget the only person in his life
who called him ' your honour' ?
That too on the same afternoon ?

My name was called rather what I thought to be my name. He was not looking up, not interested. good for me.
The assistant's eyes were piercing me.
You came in the morning he said in Tamil
It was not a question.
I kept silent, licking my lips.
the magistrate still looking elsewhere He was not even listening,
he was just slapping fines without looking at the offenders.
Did you cross the yellow line ? he asked me in Tamil
Right at that moment my common sense took a flight to cape town.
I said ' yes your honour'
repeated the morning trick which backfired.
Magistrate looked up, the assistant whispered something to him.
Your name was different in the morning, He said in English pretty annoyed.
I gave him my name, spelling, Perhaps written wrong in Tamil.
he did not reply, He said Ten rupees, in English, slammed the rubber stamp.
I had less than 5 rupees, took a bus, came home, mom screamed at me, ten rupees was a fortune. Went back to the court, it was getting dark and the magistrate was still sitting there and the offenders were pouring in. Paid the fine released the bike. Now its dark and I don't have a lamp. Had to drag the bike all the way home to whites road. took the Monroe statue road, it was dark, hardly any lights, no traffic, Believe me I was alone, not a mother's soul in sight. I decided to climb on to the bike and ride till the end of Monroe statue road and drag the bike again after that. I saw a white shirt approaching me, just a shirt no body, I mean a bodiless white shirt. This cop was so dark that I couldn't see him.
This is not happening to me.
Not again,
No point begging, I had no strength left.
Three times in a day ?? This would not happen even to Bertie Wooster
No one would believe me, was that a world record ??
I offered him 2 rupees, thats all I had. He took the 2 rupees from me and removed air from both the wheels. He said I know you'll ride without a light again.

I've had my moments of pleasure though, I had a lamp burning, oil lamp, dynamos were very expensive,
I knew the lamp was burning, cop caught me near Periyar Statue, no statue then, right after the bridge, I said I have the lamp, look its off he said, I said it was burning just now, touch it and see, he touched the top cover of the lamp and burnt his fingers, cursed me and removed the air from both the tyres

THE CHOSEN ONE

' you promised no more God bashing a few blogs ago' my friend protested

People are tired of America bashing and Bush bashing
give me something to bash at, I tell her

' why don't you go bash yourself '

This would make you happy sweetie
I have been bashed up many times before

Its a long story, making it riddicoolasly short
I am giving this to my cat for spelling and grammore checkk


I am in 6th class
I am scared of this teacher, miss no oppertunity to please him running his erands.
Lunch hour, he calls me
a letter in his hands, white envelop.
he grabs my shoulder points opposite wing
Count the windows
12345678
stop
8th window remember
alright sir
go there give this letter to the teacher
and come back here.
stop
I am already 30 feet away
I go back
put the letter in your pocket
stop, he shouts
I am already 40 feet away
I go back
she is wearing a green sari
I am not there
I vanish
and I am there
back
What ? shocked !!
I am fast very fast
Yes sir
what yes sir ???.... give me the letter
I gave sir
what ?
I gave miss wat you gave sir
All four tyres flat ..... dark clouds on his map
goof definitly a goof
he grabbs my shoulder again...... shakes me
its still paining after 48 years
what was she wearing ?
miss wearing green sari sir
I didn't tell him she was fat
I didn't tell him I am smart
I did not count the windows I counted the doors
The entrance was on the other side
Each class had 2 windows
wrong delivery !!!
and he did not know there was another miss wearing green sari on that fateful day

Afternoon class
Head master walks in with the fat miss wearing green
comes straight to my desk
is he the one ?
yes
Ah rauf ! it had to be you.... who else ???..... come with me
Head master's room
scary
I am looking at the big globe on the table
my fingers itching to roll it
sweat in december
An ear shattering roar
Who gave you the letter ?
silence
Who gave you the letter ?
I am looking at the cane on the table
I knew soon it is going to land on me
who gave you the letter ?
writing anonymous love letters was not my profession then.. head master knew it
Who gave you the letter ?
silence
Still staring at the cane
I saw it coming
first one landed on my ankle
I jumped with pain
he second landed on my arm
who gave you the letter ?
tup tup tup tears falling on the spotless red floor
one more landed on my other ankle
not at the same place twice
he was very careful
I loved my head master
loved him to bits
tears in my eyes now after 48 years
I saw the fourth one coming
I spilled the beans
He gave me water to drink
I was crying... gasping for breath
go back to your class
what followed is a long story
My teacher was expelled
All teachers started hating me
that lasted only for a few days
it was all love and care right till the day I left the school
Eventually my teacher ended up marrying the fat teacher and not with the one the letter intended for.

This story and the teachers involved are not important
What bothers me till today is why I was chosen out of 30 boys, and why my headmaster without looking at other 400 boys in the school came straight to my desk
As far as I could remember that was the first goof of my life filled with goofs and goofs and only goofs....
Oh ! I forgot
My head master never reported this to my dad
though he was in constant touch with him even after I left the school

a call from Timbaktu

You have created the word ' infinite ' and sitting on it confused and confusing others

BLADE OF GRASS

Sweet Annie helped me with this page sitting thousands of miles away, She's got brain. I asked her if she can repair my shoulder too. I saw her lovely smile sitting here in Chennai on her web cam.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Yes .....It is possible, one day

Jesse Owens 1936 Berlin 10.30s
Justin Gatlin 2004 Athens 9.85s

Its the evolution of human mind which is performing, not the body.
you have the most complex robots performing most complex tasks. You have landed on moon, you have landed on mars.
After 4 million years of evolution we still depend on nature for our survival and we have not been able to manufacture a simple blade of grass ( not that simple )
Technology can help us live a little longer, but still we are down on our knees begging mother nature's mercy
That drop of water is more important than landing on the moon or planet mars.

Devuda Devuda

I stumbled upon a blog where the author wonders why people watch insipid stuff dished out on TV. He enjoys real life drama shown on National geographic channel. I enjoy that too, but I enjoy the scare of facing an elephant or a snake in a forest more. I agree that films and TV programmes produced here are of very poor quality, you need a lot of courage and stamina to watch them. What ever the quality may be, there is some indesrcibable charm in Indian films which makes people forget every thing else.
By any standards ' Ramayan' was a very poor production. Half the neighbourhood used to gather in my house every sunday morning to watch the programme with my mother, she enjoyed it so much (I come from a muslim family) Indian films have always promoted national integeration and communal harmony perhaps more than all the politicians could ever imagine. Indian films have never been controvercial barring a few on some very silly grounds. The only factors which bring Indians together are films and cricket. Indians living abroad stay close to their motherland thru these films and the songs in them.
These ' insipid ' films and TV soaps make people forget their problems for a while. They are a part of our lives, like it or not. Something is seriously wrong with me if I ask who is Rajnikanth. devuda..devuda...elzhumalai devuda, pardon my french please

MORE BANANAS

Do you meet normal people ?
na..... na na na na
Not any more !!!
you meet only saints
There are more saints now on the road than normal people.
who is a normal guy ?
who are normal people ?
A normal guy is the one who throws things at you,
a normal guy screams at the TV after a dropped catch
Its a fast vanishing tribe, very close to extinction

Every one you bump into is a saint, following some philosophy or the other. All these philosophies are out to make big fakes out of us. Being normal is considered a danger to the society. Normal people have normal human emotions, they express anger hatred love or jealousy joy ecstasy, which is pretty natural. They face the consequences of expressing their emotions, pleasant or unpleasant, and refuse to learn.
Repeating your blunders is pretty normal too
My cat says history repeats itself, Now I have to ask my friends to verify my cat's statement.

I was helping a friend of mine who brought many tapes of.... tapes of.... tapes of.... some some some thing ? philosophy thing ??? ....Meditation thing .........to be transfered to a CD
I said OK... too glad to help, sweet thing she is. I showed her all my four teeth.
The lecture or meditation or something began with slow dramtic sound effect,
MAY AAAALL BEINGS BE HAPPEEEEEEEE

WHOOAA WHAT A SAINT !!

DHOINK !!!
OOOWEEE ?????
you kidding me ?
your beginning itself is wrong
How ? I really wondered how. How is that possible ?
If all beings are happy, God will go out of business, bankrupt, KAPOOTA.
Clever chapee he is, very clever !
If you are happy with what you've got, life becomes so dull and boring
quest for happiness keeps us going. I am posting this blog and sending e-mails because some chap was pissed with sticking stamps and going to the post office. Thank you where ever you are.
I am glad that some one is growing bananas because he is not happy with what he's got, he wants more. We all want more
More bananas.
God is still in business.... and thriving on our misery
The actual threat of throwing God out of business comes from saints and only saints
We normal people are doing our best doing all the whacky things to keep God in business

BANANAS

We pray
We all pray for something
We pray because God promises rewards for our good deeds
Just imagine God answering every prayer, God granting every wish, it will end up in utter chaos, there will not be any space on the road to walk. You will not get bananas because nobody is growing bananas, no body is selling bananas, the world goes bananas and God goes bananas as you don't need him anymore.

Heaven

1200 rupees was big money in 1980, its big money for me even now, I had to wait for my first walkman, Got one finally with tears in my eyes, I did not test it, came back home running, played the first tape, 'dark side of the moon' I was in heaven. After that experience, any one telling me about spiritual happiness I tell them go take a hike !

Taste an apple, the best apple in the world or any fruit. you know what they all taste like. Taste an apple pie, that has human touch, that is ecstasy, Gaajar ka halwa is better than the carrot itself. Humans offer better chances of taking you to heaven than God, my friend loves bitter chocolates more than herself and loves giving chocolates to other kids. As a human you have the power to take some one to heaven. Its not far, It just takes a second.

Found a little girl playing on the banks of back waters in Eda Kochi. That smile brought the day light again in to my life, she is not aware of the impact of her smile. Without knowing she took me to heaven. She jumped with joy when I showed the picture right there on the screen. Sending her the picture is more important to me than my own breathing. I am not doing one hundreth in return of what she did to me.
Heaven is a state of mind.
its day light again.

I AM A BLOGGER

Hi
Hi
Nice shoes you got there
I can understand that
Normally people find it hard to say some thing nice about me, because there is none and I am going to make it worse soon
'Thank you bought them on sale actually '
What are you ?
I am a blogger
you what ?
I am a blogger
a blogger ?
yes
Mommeeeeeeeee !!!
I won't be surprised if he starts to run for his life.
Actually you get a dreadful pictures of a man with a helmet and pads like you
see zombies running wearing them in the American version of Football, what a dumb game, No wonder no other country has taken up that game. Believe me Americans just love violence.
People like Google do some wonderful things, some times their imagination goes on a holiday
can't they find a better word ?
And blogger sounds like my profession is dropping bombs on Iraq Afghanistan or some poor godforsaken country. Americans have a knack of choosing such countries.
It won't be long before blogger or bloggering or blogging becomes a regular profession, I am enjoying it already.

Enough of God bashing, friends are calling, sending emails in protest
and there are tonnes of Bush bashing on the net, poor guy, he is providing us with a lot of entertainment at a painful cost, life and money. Our lives would be so dull without such clowns on the stage.

Leaving for Ernakulam tonight, be back on 11th
Hope the trains are not cancelled

THE DEAD HORSE

There have been protests from friends

'Why are you beating a dead horse ? Such things don't exist now'

Do you expect the merciful kind and loving God to make
such dumb statements ?

Its not there in our holy book

Wow, but you believe in the joke of Genesis
If you believe in Genesis you believe in those dumb statements too.

they have been altered, our holy book has not been altered.

That is the whole problem, each one claiming that their holy book is the truth and absolute truth.

Just look at the mess such claims have caused
just look at the bloodshed religion has caused and it is still going on.
There has never been a clash between good and evil.
Its always been a clash of good vs good.
Each one claiming their 'brand' of good is the absolute truth.
Each one promoting and imposing their 'brand' of good on others.

All Hitler wanted to do was to clean up this planet by removing unwanted elements, like you and me and bring an order in this planet.
what a noble idea !
He sincerely believed that what he was doing was 'good' and the entire nation stood behind him. So far the church has not condemned the holocaust.
Do you agree with him ?
You called him Evil
But Hitler didn't think so, and so did the whole nation

On Sunday Nov 5th the klan surfaced in Austin Tx, holding a rally against legalisation of gay marriages. I thought the Klan is sleeping or dead. KKK believes in white supremacy, same as the Aryan supremacy of the Nazis
KKK too claim the right to absolute truth.
Do you agree with them ?
Would you accept that you are inferior to some race ?
Just imagine your life as a slave for a moment
The moment I mention the word ' slave' people go into hiding.
Not one, believe me, NOT ONE holy book has abolished slavery,
It was not considered Evil by any of the prophets or saints.
The most liberal utterance you'll ever find in all the holy books is 'treat your slaves well'
That indicates slavery was accepted as common practice,
A slave is not a human being, a slave is a property. In India its still worse, according to holy scriptures, A person is born a slave and dies a slave if he is a sudhra or a chandala, and the women of highest to the lowest community had no right to education, their only role was to serve their men and you know what.

' such things don't exist now, why are you beating a dead horse ?'

I thank the evolution of human mind that I am not a
slave today, I don't thank the merciless and evil supporting God. All these holy books and scriptures were written by people like you and me according to the existing conditions, by men, to suit their own interests, to impose their 'brand of good' on others like Hitler did, Like some countries do even today.
If God has written those scriptures, he is a lunatic, fit to be in an asylum. If you can't choose between right and wrong without a written manual, you have no right to be on this planet.
Have you seen any monkey singing holding a holy book and seeking guidance ? because they don't need any, they KNOW what to do.
They will sue us if we claim that we descended from them, we are such a dumb race.
The horse is not dead yet.

SORRY GIRLS, I MADE A MISTAKE

"The woman you put here with me --she gave me some fruit from the tree and I ate it." Said Adam
what a dumb ass !!

"I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you."

what kind of a lunatic would say a thing like that to a woman ?
That lunatic was God, those are God's words

"A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I don't permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner"

As if that was not enough, there is more to come

they are all untrustworthy, morally inferior, and wicked. Menstruation, pregnancy, and childbearing is just punishment for the eternal guilt. - the holy books

The other day my friend was complaining back ache and body pain
I asked her if she's having periods
she said just about to start
She was irritated and I picked up a fight with her instead of comforting her. Like Adam I am a dumb ass too.
Now you know sweetie where you got that pain from.

In the holy books that appeared later, such dumb statements are not there. Entire Genesis is kept intact but for such statements, which doesn't make any sense to me, it was like God saying
sorry girls I made a mistake, I take back my words Sorreee !!!

Perhaps God took back his words but he did not take back the pain.

Sorry Eve sweetie

The Cow

I go looking for a cow dressed in a sari or a business suit, because Its not good to take pictures in nude

Wow you look gorgeous in this dress !
We all are choosy when it comes to clothes, me too, I try to make myself less dreadful. Our stone age forefathers wore no tuxedos. They survived, thats why we are here. But more than a tux what they needed most was a club, a weapon. That came before the dress.

There is a swami here in south India whose followers wear red dress. This is not a joke.
Hence forth all my followers would wear green
There comes another community who wear blue
After 10 years there is a split in the green community, they start wearing green with a red collar. There is a division within division, the new enlightened followers start wearing green, red collar and blue buttons. now they all forget the primary function of a dress, to protect the body from heat or cold. The basic idea is lost.

All faiths are very simple in the beginnig. They get complicated with passing years, they get so complicated that they forget the basic function of having a faith, to make themselves a good human being.
I never knew that it is so rigerous, tough and difficult to become a good human.
The cow wants to be a cow, doesn't want be a good cow.

Eid Mubarak

He is trying to kill me

Last night he was jumping around while I was sleeping and pushed a card board box which fell from a good height on my head. Luckily the box was empty And he stepped on the power key shutting down the system four times since morning. I had to work all over again He demands my attention, sleeps near my feet licks my toes
He doesn't even know that he lives in India,
I showed him the map Showed him where he lives,
I said you are an Indian cat.
He showed his indifference, looked away and looked very bored
Bad attitude !
I am very annoyed, and right now we are not on speaking terms

Mary Jo

1495 Medieval England
Mary Jo is merrily walking on the cobble stoned streets of London, smiling, a song on her lips, on her way to school. Suddenly a severed head oozing with blood comes rolling down, stops at her feet, she kicks the head out of her way and continues walking, now she is very angry, because there are blood stains on her shoes. She stops to wipe them off, reaches the school and screams at her teacher for giving her low grades, she thinks she deserved more.

2005 Present England
Mary Jo is merrily walking on the streets of London on her way to the dance class. Suddenly a severed head oozing with blood comes rolling down and stops at her feet. Mary Jo just faints. Now she needs months and months of therapy to get herself back to normal life, but still can't get rid of the nightmares and wakes up screaming in the nights. Seems impossible for her to erase that incident out of her mind.

What is the difference between Mary Jo of 1495 and Mary Jo of 2005 ?
Its plain evolution
Mary Jo of 2005 cannot accept such a gruesome act of violence,
She is more civilised.
Stop smiling
Has the killing stopped ?
No.
Perhaps it has become less gruesome
No philosophies and religions helped to contain greed and violence, in fact religion condoned killing to spread the word of God. From the club of the stone age to the present day sophisticated gun the killing continues. Its lot easier now to kill and with much less effort and time. Mass murder is possible with little or no effort. More than 150,000 people murdered with one bomb in Hiroshima. Now the entire planet can be wiped out by pressing of one button
Is the evolution going in the right direction ?

Thank you Eve

Lets go back to the monkey who stole my biscuit packet
Read Monkey Sense
She took the risk, and she was smarter.
If you spend some time in the forest you would observe that it is the female species which bears all the responsibility. They are in total control. Nature has entrusted the females to run and manage this planet. They are wiser smarter and more responsible than the males, a fact which is completely missed and deliberately ignored by all the major religions of the world. Women are hundred times emotionally stronger wiser and more practical than men. Men may run the countries or the banks or the Induatries. Their folly and greed has left this planet completely battered and the surface smeared with the blood of the weak and the innocent. This planet is in one piece largely due to the fact that females keep rectifying the damage. And this planet still remains a beautiful place to live.

Holy books hold Eve responsible for the downfall of Man. They regard Eve as a symbol of temptation. She took the risk, defied God and plunged her lovely teeth in to the fruit of knowledge, Look where we are !!!
God how I love this downfall of Man, I am having a ball here
Thank you Eve, I salute you.

Have a great day